You're Not Alone
by missjeanie
Summary: You're Not Alone is my first fanfiction. Sophie is looking for someone to trust with her darkest secret and Kendall is looking for inspiration **Followed by Promise Me**
1. Chapter 1

I glanced out the window and watched the scenery pass by. I wasn't exactly looking forward to spending a month in a cabin with my mom and her friend that I didn't know, but I did need a break from things. At least that's what mom thought.

"Are you doing okay?" She looked at me with worry in her eyes. When I didn't answer, she continued, "Kathy said she is bringing one of her sons with her. He's got some time off work and wanted to relax. Plus, Dr. Stephens thinks it would be good for you to meet new people."

I still didn't answer. I didn't want to meet new people and I didn't want to listen to what Dr. Stephens had to say. I had been seeing her regularly for the past three years, ever since my aunt died. At first I was completely reluctant. Only people with serious issues go to shrinks, not girls dealing with depression. I tried as hard as I could to smile. "Sounds like fun, Mom."

She knew I was lying. "Honey, look. I know this isn't exactly how you wanted to spend the first month of summer vacation, but I need my daughter back. We have to find a way to move past this. I never want to lose you, or come that close again."

I changed the subject. I didn't like it when she brought up my weakness. "So Kathy is your friend from high school right? Back in Kansas?"

Mom nodded. "Yep, we graduated together. She was around for a while after graduation, and we were inseparable. Us and Aunt Tess. But anyway, now she's married and has three boys, and is bringing the youngest with her. He's about your age, and well, I'm pretty sure you know who he is."

I was confused. "Mom, I think I've only met Kathy once. How could I possibly know her son?"

We finally pulled up to my family's cabin. Mom got out of the car and pulled out our suitcases. We were in the house before she finally answered me. "Her son is Kendall Schmidt."

My heart did a flip. Of course I knew who Kendall was. He was one fourth of my favorite band Big Time Rush. He was completely gorgeous, to be honest, all of them were. But when the depression got really bad six months ago, my heart wasn't in anything. Music used to be the only thing that I thought could save me. It didn't; it had failed me. "Wow. I had no idea that your friend Kathy was his mom."

"At first this was just going to be a weekend for me and her. We've been planning this for some time now. But when everything happened with you, I just couldn't leave you at home alone. Kathy didn't mind at all, and suggested that she bring Kendall since he has some time off before his next tour. I ran it by Dr. Stephens before we left. I just think it would be a breath of fresh air for you to spend some time with someone that doesn't know our history."

As mad as I wanted to be, and as much as I still didn't want to be here, she was right. I was tired of people looking at me as the poor little girl who lost her way. I was slowly coming back, why couldn't they see that?

"Now, your room is still all put together and I figured Kendall could use your brothers room, Kathy will take your sisters, and I will be in Nana's room. Sound good?"

I nodded and grabbed my suitcase. "I'll be on the balcony."

"Do you mean the balcony or the roof?" My mom yelled after me.

"If you're worried I'll jump, I'm not that stupid. I start out on the balcony, and if I need to clear my head I hop on the roof. But I'll be careful, I promise."

Mom looked at her watch. "Kathy and Kendall should be here shortly, I'm going to start dinner. Take my bag upstairs, please."  
I did as I was told and took mom's bag to her room. I opened the door to my room, trying to remember the last time I was here. I was probably thirteen and angry with my parents for making me come stay with them when my best friend Sadie had invited me to go to a concert with her. Not that I can remember who was playing, but at the time, I would much rather have spent spring break rocking out to loud music than in a room full of stuffed animals. Could it really have been eight years since I've been here? No, that can't be right. I shook the thought off and laughed as I glanced at my bed. My trusty stuffed dog Patches was laying on the left side of my bed, right where I left him. I grabbed him and walked out onto the balcony. I debated sitting down in my chair and decided against it. Jumping up on the railing, I hopped up on the roof and took in the scenery. Mom always used to hate it when I did this, and she probably still does. But I've needed this more than anything these last couple of months. I laid down and let my mind wander, trying to remember when I was truly happy. After Aunt Tess died, it was hard. But I finally started to move on, and Charlie was a big part of that. We dated for a year and a half, and I ended it after he started hitting me. I hadn't told anyone that but I hadn't stayed around long enough for him to become super abusive. I always wanted to tell Sadie, but she had never really liked him. It was because of Charlie that my depression started to sink. After we broke up, he started telling me I was worthless and that no one would ever love me. The thing that hurt most was when he told me the world would be better off without me, and I started to believe it.

I quickly sat up. No, I can't do this now. Not here. I haven't thought about him in so long and I'm not going to start now. I pulled out my phone to text Sadie as I heard a car come up the driveway.

_Hey! Made it to the cabin okay! No crazy psycho killers yet!_

_Lol well good. I can't believe your mom drove the entire way! Was it horrid?_

_Not as bad as you'd think. I got a good nap out of it!_

_Hahaha of COURSE you did._

_Oh my gosh you'll NEVER guess who is staying here._

_Who?_

I was about to answer when I heard my door open. Knowing that Mom would have been outside already, I jumped down and walked inside. There, standing ten feet away from me, was Kendall Schmidt.

A sheepish grin crossed his face. "Oh, hey. Sorry. Our mom's were busy talking and weren't exactly clear which room I should be in. I'm Kendall."

"Sophie. Sorry about my mom, she talks nonstop. But I can show you to your room, it's just right down the hall." I led him out of my room, showed him the bathroom, then walked him into my brothers room. "Here you go. It has a balcony just like mine, with a great view of the lake." Of course Mom would put him in your brother Eli's room. She knew I'd spend most of my time on the balcony, and just in case, now Kendall would have one too.

"Anyway, my mom said she was making dinner and it will probably be done in about an hour or so. I'll let you get some rest."

"Actually, if you don't mind, I've been on a plane for the last couple of hours and could really use a walk. Care to join me?" He was standing there with his hands in his pockets, a huge grin plastered on his face. I were trying to think of a polite way to turn him down when he said, "Oh come on, I don't bite. Besides, how else am I supposed to get to know the pretty girl I'll be living with for the next month?" and then winked at you.

Was this really happening? Did Kendall just call me pretty? Is he… _flirting_ with me? I looked up into his sparkling green eyes and couldn't help being drawn in. A smile crept across my face, and I couldn't remember the last time I had felt like this, let alone, genuinely smiled. "I'd love to."


	2. Chapter 2

We walked downstairs to tell Mom and Kathy that we were going to the lake. I could tell Mom was excited, this is exactly what she had planned for. She made some comment about dinner being ready soon and we headed out.

I tried my hardest not to stare at Kendall as we walked to the lake. It was only about a fourth of a mile, but we didn't talk until we were at the waters edge. I couldn't help but think back to when I had been a hardcore devoted Rusher, and had pictured something like this happening in my mind a thousand times.

Kendall was the first to speak. "So what brings you out here?"

I thought for a minute before I answered. Mom and Dad were the only people that knew why I was really out here, but I couldn't help but feeling that I wanted him to know everything. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt this way about a guy before. "Uhm, I just kinda needed a break from things. After my Aunt Tess died, I wasn't really the same. Then I've just got your typical teenage heartbreak story. Fell in love, and it didn't work so we ended it."

He glanced over at me and the look in his eyes was both sympathetic and hopeful. "I'm sorry. Does that mean you're not seeing anyone now?"  
I shook my head. "No. And don't be sorry. I'm the one who ended it. It took me a while to realize, but we just weren't right for each other. What about you; why are you out here?"

"I just needed a break too. I'm in a band and we are working on our second album. We have been a lot more hands on than we were with the first, so we have actually been writing. I have one song completely down, and I love it. I've been working super hard on another one, but it just won't come." He took a deep breath. "I have the melody, I just can't find the words."

I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "I'm sure you'll find the words. You just have to find what you want the song to be about, what the meaning behind it is. I'm sure it's been hard for all four of you; I'm guessing there's a lot of pressure this time around."

He looked at me quizzically, realizing he hadn't told me what band he was in. I laughed. "You didn't have to tell me who you are. I know. Before my rough patch hit, I might have been somewhat of a Rusher."

Kendall smiled. I looked over at him and saw the sparkle in his eye. Ugh those dimples are KILLING me. He had the deepest green eyes I had ever seen. I didn't used to be a fan of green eyes, but they worked on Kendall. His hair was shorter than the last time I had seen pictures, but it definitely worked for him.

"So you're a Rusher, huh? I love meeting fans. Although, I have to say, you are probably the most laid back fan I have ever met."

I felt like his eyes bore into my soul. As we continued to walk, I couldn't help myself any longer. I wanted to know him, and I wanted him to know me. "That's because I haven't been myself lately. If I would have met you a year ago, trust me, I probably would have passed out. But I didn't just go through a rough patch, Kendall," I was interrupted by mom striking Nana's dinner bell. Nana used to ring that bell when we were kids to signal it was time to come in for dinner, or that it was time for bed. I turned to him. "That means dinner's ready. Time to go."

He had a puzzled look on his face. I could tell he wanted me to continue, but now was not the time. "I promise, before the month is over, I'll tell you. But trust me, if we don't get inside, my mom will just come looking for us." He had a hurt look on his face and I could tell he didn't want to go back inside. We walked in silence for a few minutes before he spoke up again.

"Who is your favorite super hero?"

"What?" His question came out of nowhere.

"You heard me. If you had to pick one superhero and say that's my favorite, who would it be?"

"Iron Man. Without a doubt. You?"

"SpiderMan. We'll work on bringing you to the spidey side." His face lit up and he started to laugh. I couldn't help but laugh with him. It was infectious. The way his eyes lit up and he scrunched his nose. Good lord was he adorable.

As we walked back through the door, I took in the familiar scent of my mom's barbeque chicken. It was my favorite. We sat down for dinner, and Kendall insisted on sitting next to me. I didn't mind at all. Dinner was filled with stories of when Kathy lived in Kansas. Kendall hadn't realized that Mom and Aunt Tess, who wasn't really my aunt, just Mom's best friend(other than Kathy) had been inseparable through high school. We laughed as we listened to stories of our teenage mothers getting caught TPing teacher's houses during homecoming week. I looked up at my mom and realized I hadn't seen her this happy since Tess had passed away. She was always so busy taking care of me, I hadn't even noticed how sad she had been. It was nice getting to see this side of her.

The first two weeks of vacation were heavenly. Kendall and I went down and walked the lake at least twice a day. I could feel myself growing attached to him, and I knew in my heart I was starting to have feelings for him. Mom told me that she and Kathy were going to be gone for three days; they were going on a shopping spree. I was surprised they were leaving us alone. Kendall was clearly happy about it. He was making plans for a movie/pizza night, claiming that I haven't lived because I haven't tasted his homemade pizza. We drove to town and rented a couple of movies, and waited until after dinner to watch one.

We were standing at the kitchen making pizza when Kendall decided we still didn't know each other well enough. So we started asking each other questions. He decided to go first. "So, we are vacationing in Arkansas, your mom grew up in Kansas, and you now live in Iowa. How does that work?"

"Well, my dad traveled a lot and they met in Kansas. When they decided to raise a family, they argued over where to live. Dad was from Indiana, and they tell everyone they just compromised and met in the middle. After my grandparents retired, they bought this place and we used to vacation here for summer and Christmas break. You?"

"We lived in Kansas until I was about ten when we moved to Cali. My brothers and I wanted to act, and Mom fully supported us. What's your favorite childhood memory?"

I had to think for a minute. "My fifth birthday. Aunt Tess surprised me and spent the whole week with me. What about you?"

"My brother used to put me in a suitcase and wheel me down the street. I'd jump out and he'd chase me. The look on peoples faces were priceless!"  
I couldn't suppress my laughter as I imagined just what he had told me. We continued to talk as we made dinner, shooting questions back and forth, and before long I felt like I had known him my entire life. I was surprised at how at ease I felt around him. I hadn't felt this way with a guy, ever. Even with Charlie. It was new territory, but I really liked it. He had me laughing the entire time, and took me by surprise when he said,"You have a beautiful smile." He smiled at me, those damn dimples getting to me again. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks. I managed to mumble "thanks" still too embarrassed to look up. He raised his hand to my chin and pulled my face up so I was forced to look into his dazzling green eyes. He leaned in close to me, so that our lips were almost touching. "I mean it, Sophie. You're smile is amazing. I can't get you out of my head, and I'm not sure I want to." He started to lean in, but before he could, I stopped him.

"Wait. Kendall, before anything happens, there are some things you need to know about me."


	3. Chapter 3

Kendall looked at me puzzled, but I could tell he was all ears. I couldn't believe I was about to tell him this, but I wanted him to know. He deserved to know. We walked into the living room and he sat down on the couch. I was about to sit in the recliner next to the couch when he grabbed my hand and pulled me down next to him. I looked down, and he was still holding my hand. It sent shivers up my spine. I glanced up at him and he smiled. "You can tell me anything. I want you to know that and hold it to be true. You can trust me."

I took a deep breath. "You already know the basics, but I want you to know the whole truth. First I should start with Aunt Tess. Aside from Sadie, she was my best friend in the whole world. I know that might sound weird because she's our moms' age, but it's true. I used to spend my summers at her house; I never wanted to go home. When she got cancer, I was devastated. It was the first time I ever felt truly hopeless. When she died, I honestly couldn't handle it. There was this dull ache in my chest that I had never felt before. That's when the depression first hit." I looked at him, those green eyes full of curiosity, but he didn't say anything, so I continued. "When I got together with Charlie, things got a little better, for a while. We were together for about a year and a half, and the first year was great. It was in the last couple of months that things started to get bad. He used to drink… a lot. He had me come pick him up from the bar one night, and when we got back to his place he was accusing me of cheating on him and all this other crazy nonsense, I had no idea where it was coming from. That's the first time it happened." Tears started to fall down my cheeks. I hadn't even told Sadie this, and she's been my best friend since I was four.

I could hear the quiver in Kendall's voice when he asked, "The first time what happened?" I had a feeling he knew where I was going, but he wanted to hear me say it. And someone other than Dr. Stephens needed to know.

"That was the first time he ever hit me. I told him he was crazy and that I was faithful, and he slapped me. Hard. I honestly didn't know it was possible to be slapped hard enough to bruise. It wasn't a big bruise, but it was big enough for Sadie to notice." I looked down at my lap. I hadn't told anyone the truth because I was so embarrassed, and here I was pouring my heart out to a guy I had only known for a few weeks. "It was the first time I've ever lied to Sadie. I felt awful for lying to her; I still do. I told her that some drunk guy elbowed me in the face when I went to get Charlie. She believed me; or I think she did. He swore he didn't remember it and for a while I believed him. The next time he hit me, he wasn't drunk. I put up with it for about a month, and I told him if it happened again I'd leave and never look back." The tears were falling hard now, and I couldn't stop them. "He got this sick, twisted smile on his face and punched me as hard as he could in the stomach. I doubled over and couldn't move. He came up to me and whispered 'Everyone would be better off if you left, sweetheart. No one would miss you.' When I could finally breathe again, I left him. I called the police and told them he'd been abusive and they put a no contact order on him."

Kendall's eyes were full of worry. I could tell he wanted to console me, but I wasn't done yet. "The hardest part is, I started to believe him. When we broke up, he started dating someone I thought was my friend. I felt so betrayed and so alone. I honestly believed that if I were gone, no one would miss me. With Aunt Tess gone, I realized I had no one to turn to. I was completely alone. The loneliness started to agree with the emptiness I was feeling. After a while, I decided I didn't want to feel anything at all. That the heartache and pain just wasn't worth it anymore. My family was on a day trip when I made my decision. I was done, I was alone, and no one would miss me."

Tears were starting to form in Kendall's eyes. "You don't have to… it's okay."

But I shook my head. "No, Kendall. I NEED to tell someone. It eats at me. The loneliness is still there, gnawing at me every day."  
He leaned in close to me. "Well then if you have to tell me, I will listen." He brushed a strand of hair out of my face and my heart fluttered. Here I was, at my most vulnerable, and he was being a complete gentleman.  
I took a shaky breath and continued. "I had it all planned out. I knew exactly what I wanted and what I didn't want to feel. My brother had surgery on his leg a few months prior and I knew he still had some pain pills left. I went to my room and took out the bottle of vodka I had hidden in my closet. One pill, I knew, wasn't going to do the trick; two would make me feel better, but not what I needed. But six… six would do it. Before I could think twice about it, they were in my mouth. I took them and laid down, just waiting for the pain to stop. I closed my eyes for what felt like a minute, and in the distance I heard my mom screaming. When I opened my eyes, I was at Aunt Tess' house. She was standing in the kitchen, waiting for me. She smiled and told me it was about time I joined them. I looked over and saw myself sitting in a hospital bed, Mom and Sadie at my side. I couldn't believe it, it felt so real. Tess told me it was my choice, to stay with her, or go back to them. I wanted to stay with her, I wanted to feel happy. But there was nothing. I willed myself to feel anything but I couldn't, so I told her I wanted to come back. I was in the hospital for a little over a week, and Mom made me an appointment with Dr. Stephens the day I was released. I had been seeing her on and off since Aunt Tess died, sort of like grief counseling. She thought it would help, having someone to talk to, but it hasn't."

"That's what this whole stupid trip is really about." I was shaking so hard I couldn't breathe, and I was feeling like and idiot. This is why I didn't want to tell anyone; I didn't want them to look at me like there was something wrong with me. I couldn't meet Kendall's eyes, afraid of what he must be thinking. "She's trying to get me back to normal. The depression and the emptiness have worn off, but the loneliness is still there. No one understands, no one can make heads or tails of it."

"Sophie…" he sounded so sincere, but I knew what he was thinking. Poor little girl felt alone so she tried to kill herself, poor little girl crying out for attention. I shook my head and ran up the stairs. I felt like I was going to be sick. I was such an idiot for telling him. "Sophie wait!" I could hear Kendall run up the stairs as I ran to my room. I locked the door before he could reach it. "Sophie, please, talk to me."

I couldn't control my sobs any longer. I had trusted him, and now I felt like a fool. Why would I think that someone like Kendall Schmidt would understand? His life was probably perfect. I was shaking and wanted to run out to the balcony, but I knew he'd follow.  
I could hear what I assumed to be his head hitting the door. "Please, Sophie… I told you that you could tell me anything. You're not alone; I promise you." We sat there for a few more minutes, the only sounds coming were my sobs that were not getting any calmer. I could have sworn I heard him say "That's it," and he headed off to his room. I went and laid down in my bed, exhausted from crying. The last thing I heard before I drifted off to sleep was the faint sound of Kendall's guitar.


	4. Chapter 4

**Kendall's POV**

I couldn't believe how easy the words came to me. It was staring me right in the face, and I never saw it. Not until I saw her for who she really was. I had no idea that behind those beautiful blue eyes was a soul that felt empty and lonely. I was staring at the words I had scribbled down and could barely read my own handwriting. But it didn't matter, I knew the words by heart.

I was staring at my computer waiting for the guys to video chat. We were all on separate vacations but this couldn't wait. I had been stuck for so long and I was going to burst if I didn't play my song for them. I snuck downstairs to see if Sophie was here. I had heard her door close about ten minutes ago but I didn't want to bother her. I assumed she had just gone for a walk. Not that I didn't want her to hear the song, believe me, I did, just not yet.

I ran back to my room just as Carlos was calling. I picked up, and we called James and Logan. They were all looking at me expectantly, wondering why I'd called them away from their lives. "Guys, I know we are supposed to be on vacation, but you have to hear this." They all stared at me. I picked up my guitar and started to sing, thinking of Sophie the entire time. I couldn't help but smile like an idiot throughout the whole thing. I put my guitar down and turned back to the computer. "Well, what do you guys think?"

They all smiled at me. "I think we finally have our last song for the album!" James shouted. They all started cheering. Carlos stared at me. "Seriously dude, we leave you for two weeks and now you have this amazing song. What gives?" Logan started laughing. "I'll tell you what gives. He met a girl. That's the only explanation."

I shrugged my shoulders, hoping they couldn't see the flash of heat that was now rising to my cheeks. "Hey, what can I say? When I've got it, I got it." We all started laughing. As much as I couldn't wait to get back to L.A. and finish recording the new album, I also never wanted to leave here. I could feel myself falling for Sophie, and I knew going back to California would make things nearly impossible. The guys and I talked for a few more minutes when I heard the door shut. Our moms weren't coming back for another few days, so I knew it had to be Sophie. My heart skipped a beat as I looked up to the door. "Alright well I'll let you all get back to your vacations." Before I hung up I could hear kissy noises and someone yelled at me to tell the pretty girl hi. I ran downstairs as fast as I could, hoping to catch her before she holed up in her room again. It had been about an hour since she told me she tried to kill herself, and she's all I could think about since.

When I walked into the living room, she was sitting by the fireplace. The only light hitting her was coming from the fire and I had never seen anything so beautiful in my entire life. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and kiss her. To be honest, that's all I've wanted since I met her. But after what she told me, I wasn't sure how she was feeling. She heard me come in and turned around to face me. All I managed to mutter was, "Hi."

She wiped a tear from her eye, and I was instantly at her side. "Hi. Listen, Kendall, I'm sorry about freaking out on you." She shook her head. "It's just, besides the therapist, you're the first person I've told."

"Why? Don't you feel like Sadie deserves to know?" I moved a stray hair out of her face.

Sophie nodded. "I do, and I want her to know. But I can't tell people. I know how they are going to look at me. They are going to look at me like the poor little girl that felt alone and felt like she had no other options. They are going to look at me like I just lost my way. That's why I ran before you could say anything, because I know that's what you think."

That hit me like a ton of bricks. "Is that honestly what you think, Soph? Do you really think I feel that way?" She shrugged and I continued. "Maybe you did lose your way. Maybe you did feel like you didn't have any other options. But I don't see that. What I see is one of the strongest people I have ever known, fighting like hell for a way back."

"Really?" She said it as if she couldn't believe it.

"Absolutely."

She leaned into me, and I couldn't help but take in her scent. Dear lord, she was breathtaking. I wrapped my arm around her, knowing that I'd be happy if I died in that moment. I cleared my throat, unsure of how to proceed. "Uhm, do you remember how I told you I was having really bad writers block and was stuck on my last song?"

"Yeah."

"Well… I got the song figured out."

"Kendall! That's fantastic. Can I hear it?"

I was nervous. I had never played a song I had written for someone to them. "Yeah of course you can. But one thing, before I play. I wrote it for you… it's about you."

Sophie looked up at me, and for a minute I thought she was going to run back to her room. After a minute she looked down at her lap. "I'd still love to hear it." I could tell she was as nervous as I was.

I ran upstairs and grabbed my guitar. I couldn't believe I was about to play this for her. I went and sat down on the couch, with Sophie sitting right next to me. I took a deep breath and started to play.

_I bet you didn't notice_  
_First time your heart was broken_  
_You called me up and we talked til the morning_  
_And the time that you were stranded_  
_I was there before you landed_  
_He was a no show, I made sure you got home_

_I've been right there _  
_For every minute_  
_This time, it's no different_  
_Whatever happens you should know_

_Cause you're not alone, girl_  
_Look over your shoulder_  
_You don't have to wonder_  
_Cause you know, you know, you know_  
_You're not alone, girl_  
_I'll be there to hold you_  
_I'll stay til it's over_  
_And you know, you know, you know_  
_That you're not alone_  
_That you're not alone_

_All the days that you were stressed out_  
_Feeling like pulling your hair out_  
_They were all missing but I was here listening_  
_You gotta believe in me_  
_Even if you can't see me there_  
_I'll catch you when you fall_

_Cause I've been right there _  
_For every minute_  
_This time, it's no different_  
_Whatever happens you should know_  
_Cause you're not alone, girl_  
_Look over your shoulder_  
_You don't have to wonder_  
_Cause you know, you know, you know_  
_You're not alone, girl_  
_I'll be there to hold you_  
_I'll stay til it's over_  
_And you know, you know, you know_  
_That you're not alone_  
_That you're not alone_

_I'll be here for you no matter what_  
_Comes around the corner_  
_As long as I am breathing_  
_You won't have to worry no more_

_Cause you're not alone, girl_  
_Look over your shoulder_  
_You don't have to wonder_  
_Cause you know, you know_

_Cause you're not alone, girl_  
_Look over your shoulder_  
_You don't have to wonder_  
_Cause you know, you know, you know_  
_You're not alone, girl_  
_I'll be there to hold you_  
_I'll stay til it's over_  
_And you know, you know, you know_  
_That you're not alone_  
_That you're not alone_  
_That you're not alone_  
_That you're not alone_

_I bet you didn't notice_  
_First time your heart was broken_  
_You called me up and we talked til the morning_

When I finished the song, I looked up at her. I could see the tears forming in her eyes. "It turns out I wasn't missing the perfect words. Turns out, I was missing the perfect girl."

What happened next was something we had both been craving since that first night we went for a walk on the lake. Before I could even say another word, I felt her lips finally meet mine.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sophie's POV**

I pulled back. I couldn't believe I had just done that. I had just kissed Kendall Schmidt, and he hadn't pulled away. I looked up at him. "Kendall… that song. It was so beautiful. I can't believe you wrote that for me."

He smiled at me. "I have been wanting to tell you how I feel for a long time. Your confidence in me tonight, showing me how much you trust me, made me realize that I needed to do something for you. I needed to show you how I feel. I needed to show you that you weren't alone."

I reached for his hands. "You did, Kendall. Staying here with me, listening to me, that's all I've needed. You didn't have to write me a song."

He leaned in and kissed me again. "Yes, I did." He smiled at me, and I knew he was thinking what I was feeling. We had both waited so long for something to happen between us, and now we didn't know where this left things. Especially since he was leaving in a few weeks and would be returning to his glamorous California life and I'd be going back to a small town girl in Iowa. This was over before it started, and I knew it. Kendall kissed my forehead. "I know what you're thinking."

"Oh do you?" I looked up at him with a smirk on my face. "You write a song for me, I kiss you, and now you automatically know what I'm thinking?"

"Pretty much. I'm just awesome like that. You're wondering where we go from here, and where we'll go once we leave here and go back to our normal lives." I nodded, unable to grasp that yes, he did know what I was thinking. "First, I'll tell you where we go from here. Tomorrow, we go on a date and maybe by the time we get home, we'll be a couple." He winked at me before he continued. A relationship with Kendall by the time dinner was done? I was fine with that. "Then, after our two week honeymoon phase is over, we'll go our separate ways. But I promise you, pretty girl, we won't go a day without talking. Call, skype, text, email; I don't care. I won't go a day without talking to you."

It all sounded amazing, like he believed we could really make it work. "But what about when you go on tour? You'll have millions of girls screaming your name every day. How can we be sure you won't fall for one of them?"

"Because they aren't you, Soph. I've never met anyone like you in my life. You're so special, and I won't ever let you forget that." He leaned in and kissed me again, this time it was longer and more passionate than the first two. It sent shockwaves through me. I had never been kissed like that before in my life. As he pulled away, he had a sly grin on his face. "I could get used to this."

I lightly punched him in the arm. We headed upstairs as I soon found that I was emotionally exhausted from today. Kendall was going to be a gentleman and tried to say goodnight, but I pulled him back into my room. I didn't want the night to end. He laid in bed with me and we talked until almost two in the morning. I tired so hard not to fall asleep but soon I found myself losing. I knew when I woke up Kendall wouldn't be next to me, but knowing he'd be down the hall was good enough. For the first time in months, I was actually able to sleep. It was a peaceful sleep, and didn't consist of the nightmares I was so accustomed to. When I woke up, the sun was shining into my room, and for the first time in a long time, I felt happy. My mom and Kathy were coming home today and I wanted to do something nice for them. As I stretched, I didn't notice that someone was lying in bed next to me. "Ouch! Good morning to you too."

Kendall laughed as he pulled me in for a hug. "How'd you sleep, gorgeous?"

"Amazing. I'm kinda surprised you're still here."

He pushed the hair out of my face. "Well I was going to. But then you fell asleep on my arm and I didn't wanna wake you. Then it dawned on me we probably won't have a lot of chances for little moments like this, so I wanted to take advantage of it." He kissed me on the forehead. "We're still on for our date tonight, right?"

I smiled. "Absolutely. But first, we need to start the day. Our moms' are going to be home soon and I thought we could do something for them. Like, have breakfast ready by the time they get home?"

"That sounds perfect. I'm gonna go get showered and make it look like I didn't sleep in my girlfriend's bed last night."

"Girlfriend, huh? I thought that was supposed to be after dinner tonight?"

He looked down, and for some reason didn't want to meet my gaze. "What if this is me officially asking?"

I knew I was smiling like an idiot. "Consider this me officially saying yes." I kissed him and pulled back to look into those beautiful green eyes. "Are we crazy for trying to make this work?"

Kendall shrugged. "Probably. But it will be one hell of a ride, I can promise you that." He jumped out of my bed as I pulled a pillow over my head. I grabbed my phone and sent Sadie a quick text.

_OMG! So much to tell you. But it HAS to be kept secret_

_Ugh! Tell me in a few hours when I'm awake!_

_You're SO lazy. Text me when you get up. I have major news for you!_

I threw my hair into a quick bun and headed downstairs. Before the depression kicked my ass I used to make breakfast for my family all the time. I felt like Kendall was helping me get back to my old self, even if it had only been one night. I was in the middle of cutting up fruit when I heard the car pull in. "Kendall! They're back." I put the fruit on the table, proud of what was sitting in front of me. Aside from the fresh fruit I had prepared bacon, eggs, hash browns, pancakes, and toast. There was a fresh pot of coffee and orange juice on the table. I hoped my mom would appreciate this. I needed her to know that I appreciated her.

I heard the door close and bags hit the floor. "My, something smells delicious." Kathy walked around the corner with a big smile on her face and pulled me in for a hug. "I hope we didn't miss anything too exciting while we were off shopping."

I shook my head, and hugged her back. I was unsure if Kendall wanted to tell people, especially his mom. "Of course not. We would have called if anything happened." My mom walked around the corner, and I was so thankful she was back. "Mama! Did you have a good time?" I pulled her in for a hug and I could almost feel her shock.

"I had a wonderful time." She placed her hands on my face trying to read me. "Are you feeling alright? Are you sure nothing happened while we were gone?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I gestured towards the table. "Just feeling better I guess." I smiled as my mom's eyes widened. "You were right, Mom. I needed this vacation more than anything. I told Kendall last night, told him everything. For the first time in a very long time I feel good about myself. I woke up with a smile on my face and didn't feel like shit about myself." My mom had tears in her eyes as I continued, Kathy sitting at the table enjoying a cup of coffee. "And I wanted to thank you, Mama. I felt like the whole world had turned against me and like I was alone. I'm sorry I took you for granted. I promise I will try and be better from now on." I hugged her again and she told me she loved me and that I didn't have anything to be sorry for.

"Sweetie, I don't know what happened while we were gone, and I'm not sure I care. But it seems you're happy and that's what matters." Mom smiled at me and sat down next to Kathy.

Kendall walked down the stairs and kissed me on the cheek. "Good morning, girlfriend. Breakfast smells amazing."

Kathy and mom exchanged a look. Simultaneously they said, "Girlfriend?!"


	6. Chapter 6

So, apparently, we were telling our moms. I smiled sheepishly. "Uhm yeah, I guess you might have missed ONE thing."

Kendall smiled and kissed me on the cheek again. I was never going to get used to the way that felt. "Tonight we are going on our first official date. That way you two can have the house to yourselves and relax for a bit."

Kathy glanced from us to my mom and back again. "So how exactly did this happen in the few days that we were gone?"

We both shrugged and smiled. "It's been a long time coming, we just finally had the guts to do something about it."

My mom laughed. "He played his guitar for you, didn't he?"

I could feel the blush coming to my cheeks. Mom knew I had a soft spot for musicians, especially Big Time Rush. I sat down at the table. "It's possible."

"She was like putty in my hands." He winked at me and I kicked him under the table and he laughed. "Okay, okay. That's not true. I was stuck on the last song we needed for the album and over the weekend I found my inspiration."

Kathy clapped her hands. "That's so great! You've been stuck on that song for so long. Can we hear it?"

He shrugged. "Maybe later. We have a big day planned."

I looked at him quizzically. "Oh, we do?"

He nodded. "Yep. Big day planned. But it's a surprise. You don't get to know until we're on the date."

Mom looked at me. "Sounds like fun." We finished up breakfast with more stories of what had happened over the weekend; Mom and Kathy insisted that we get ready for our date and they'd clean up. We headed upstairs and sat on the balcony. He wrapped me in his arms as we sat back and looked over the lake. These past two weeks with Kendall had been amazing, and I knew the next two weeks were going to be even better. I wouldn't want to say goodbye, and to be honest, I was a little worried about when he went back to his glamorous life.

Kendall intertwined his fingers with mine. "What are you thinking about, pretty girl?"

I cuddled into him. "You, us, everything that's happened over the past few weeks. I just hope the next two weeks are just as amazing."

"I promise you, they will be. I'm going to make every moment count, starting with our date. But I don't want to wait for dinner. Get showered and we'll go now."

I did as I was told. I enjoyed a nice hot shower, found my nicest outfit, and decided to throw on a little make up. My hair was straightened and I put it in pigtails. It was around 2 pm when we were ready to go.

"So are you going to tell me where we are going or not?"

"Not." He flashed me his award winning smile. "But I'm so darn cute I know I'm going to get away with it."

I crossed my arms and frowned. "You're not that cute."

He laughed. I loved the way it sounded when he laughed. We talked enough for him to distract me away from the drive that took us about an hour. When we pulled into the parking lot, I couldn't believe where we were. "Kendall… how did you?"

He cut me off. "The second night we went for a walk on the lake. You told me that your favorite memories with Aunt Tess were when you guys went ice skating together. I know how much you loved it, and I know that you gave it up when she died. I listen to you, Sophie. Every little word, I hear." He grabbed my hand and pulled me inside.

Kendall had been right, though. Ice skating with Aunt Tess, or with anyone for that matter, had always been so peaceful. Don't get me wrong, I was dreadful at it, but I loved it all the same. We skated for a few hours and then we went to dinner. He signed a few autographs, which I figured would happen, but I had a great time. I had never felt like this with Charlie. I had never felt like this with anyone.

The next two weeks went by faster than either of us wanted to. Kendall took me on a 'date' at least once a day. He really wanted to make every moment count. We stayed up late at night talking, watching movies, and sometimes he'd even sing to me. Mom and Kathy had loved the song he wrote for me, and I loved hearing him sing it over and over again. Before I knew it, we were packing the cars getting ready to say goodbye. I had tears streaming down my face and Kendall wrapped me in his arms.

"We'll be okay, Sophie. You're coming out to Cali in a few weeks, and I'm going to hold up my promise to talk to you everyday."

I looked up at him. He was trying to smile, but I could tell he was as broken as I was. "I know, and hopefully these next few weeks will fly by. I'm just going to miss you like crazy." I dug my face into his shoulder so he couldn't see me cry.

"I'm going to miss you too." I could tell he wanted to say more, but he didn't. Kathy and Mom exchanged hugs, then we all exchanged hugs and it was time to go. Kendall pulled me in for a kiss that we were both begging to last us the next few weeks. "This is going to be hell, but we'll make it work. I don't want to be without you. I'll be thinking about you everyday."

I nodded. All I could manage was, "Likewise," and I kissed him again. We didn't want to pull apart, but we both knew the inevitable was coming. He had made me promise that it wasn't goodbye and that neither of us would say it. "I'll see you in a few weeks."

"I'll see you soon, pretty girl."

With that, we went our separate ways.

The drive home was torture. I willed myself not to cry, and when I did, I never thought it was going to stop. Against my better judgment I started listening to music; and I was in the mood for Big Time Rush. As long as I could hear Kendall's voice, that was enough for me. He text me when he and Kathy got to the airport.

_Hey, just made it to the airport. I won't be able to talk to you while we're on the flight, so I just wanted to give you a heads up._

_:( okay._

_Don't be sad, pretty girl._

_I'll try my hardest. What are you up to?_

_Just waiting to get on the plane, thinking of my girl. What about you?_

I decided to send him a screen shot of my phone which was also my music player.

_I've got you on repeat _

_Haha couldn't you have picked a better song? I don't know how I feel about that._

I looked down and realized _Til I Forget About You_ was playing. I looked through my song list and sent him a different one_._

_Sorry, didn't realize that was playing! Is this any better?_

_Absolutely. I will always think about you Worldwide. Planes boarding. Talk to you when I land._

I smiled. I couldn't help but be grateful that my mom had dragged me along for this trip, and that Kathy had brought Kendall. He saved my life, and I'm not even sure he knew it. It was in that moment, staring at my phone, hearing his voice ring through my ears that I realized that I loved him. I was in love with Kendall Schimdt.


	7. Chapter 7

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. How could I be in love with Kendall? We had only been together for a few short weeks. It felt like I had known him my entire life, and I had trusted him with my darkest secret, and he didn't run. He wrote me this amazing song and we had been inseparable ever since. I had thought I was in love with Charlie, and maybe I was at the time, but that was nothing compared to what I felt now.

I had mixed feelings about being back home in Iowa. I had missed my own bed, but it also meant three more weeks before I got to see Kendall again. I had text Sadie to let her know I was home and she was going to come have dinner with us. I laid on my bed and waited for her, wondering if Kendall felt the same. He would probably think I was crazy for being in love with him. But what if he didn't? What if he felt the same?

Sadie came over and I told her all about our vacation, not missing a single detail. Of course I had already told her that Kendall had been staying and had written me the song, but now she got to know about all of our dates. I did what I promised Kendall I would do and I told Sadie the truth about everything. Thankfully she wasn't mad, just upset that I hadn't told her and concerned that Charlie might try something later. We were deep in conversation when my mom called us down for dinner. My dad had grilled steaks and we spent the entire night talking about being at the lake house. I couldn't remember the last time I had enjoyed dinner with my family. I was finally getting back to my old self, and I liked it.

We decided that Sadie was going to spend the night since we hadn't seen each other in over a month. We were laughing at some stupid joke when my phone rang. My heart fluttered.

"Hello?"

"Hey gorgeous. I just wanted to tell you that I made it home safe."

"Good, I'm glad." God, I missed him. "Do you have any big plans for tomorrow?"

Kendall thought for a minute. "The guys and I are going to the studio with a list of songs we want for the album. I think we are going to start recording, and then getting ready for tour. We are playing a bunch of fair dates."

"Don't forget what you promised me. If I don't hear from you tomorrow I will be pretty upset. I miss you."

"I miss you too, Soph. I can't wait to see you again."

"I know, I'm already counting down the days." I looked over at Sadie who was thumbing through music on her computer. "Hey, make sure Carlos isn't busy when I come see you." Sadie just looked at me.

"You're going to try and hook him up with Sadie, aren't you?"

"It's possible. Anyway rockstar I'll let you get some sleep."

"Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye, pretty girl."

"Bye." I had to bite my lip to keep from telling him that I loved him. I wanted him to know, but that's not something I wanted to tell him over the phone.

True to his word, he called me the next night after he got back from the studio. We took advantage of every single opportunity we had to talk. Every night whether it was a call, text, or video chat, we would always make time to talk. I made it through the first week just fine, but I knew I wouldn't be able to make it through another two. I missed him to bad, I needed him to bad.

I had everything planned out. I knew exactly what I was going to do. Mom was okay with it, the guys were on board, now all I needed was Sadie. So I called her.

"Hey. I have a huge favor to ask."

"Sure girl, what's up?"

"Go out to L.A. with me."

"What?!"

"You heard me. Sadie, I miss Kendall. I love Kendall. I need to tell him that I love him, I need to see him."

"You're insane!"

I was begging. "Please, Sadie. I could go by myself, but I'm nervous. Mom is okay with me going out there. I've already talked to James, Carlos, and Logan. They all want to meet me and when I told them why I was coming out, they practically booked the flight for me."

I could hear her sigh on the other end. "Fine, I'll go. I've always wanted to visit L.A. anyway."

"Thank you, Sadie! Thank you so much; you're the best friend ever."

Two days later, we were on a plane to L.A. Carlos was going to pick us up at the airport, James was to make sure Kendall had no idea I was on my way, and Logan was supposed to distract him. I saw Carlos and waived to him. He immediately recognized me from the video chats we had while at the lake.

"Sophie! It's so nice to finally meet you!" He pulled me in for a hug.

"You too! I can't wait to meet the other guys. Carlos, this is my best friend, Sadie." They looked at each other, exchanged a hug, and stood there for a moment. I was hoping there would be something between them. I was trying to play matchmaker and that's part of the reason I wanted Sadie to come with me. We left the airport and headed for the studio.

"I gotta tell you, Sophie. That song that Kendall wrote is amazing. The studio loved it." Carlos had a big grin on his face.

I blushed. "I'm glad. It's weird, but I'm nervous to see him."

He shook his head. "Don't be. You're all he's been able to talk about since he got back. He was so excited when he saw one of the tour dates was in Iowa. He said it's a few hours from you but that he'd come get you if he had to."

I laughed. Kendall had mentioned something about playing at a fair somewhere and I told him if I didn't get to see him then, that I'd just fly out to California and see him. I couldn't believe the beautiful scenery that was passing by and I couldn't wait to visit the beach. Walking by the lake was nothing compared to walking on the beach according to Kendall, and I couldn't wait to prove him right.

As we pulled up to the studio, I suddenly got butterflies in my stomach. What if something had changed? What if he wasn't excited to see me? I shook those thoughts away. Of course he'd be excited to see me. It's all we've been able to talk about. Carlos led me inside where I met James. We were all introduced and James informed me that Kendall would not stop talking about me. About how much he misses me, misses laying with me, misses just being with me. We had a video chat last night that we were on for about four hours, and he had told me all this while we were on the call. He was definitely going to be excited to see me.

The boys led me to the studio where I could see him and Logan messing around. His back was toward me, thankfully. It'd be an even better surprise. Our cover story was that Carlos was going on a coffee run. The boys didn't pay attention as we slipped in the door, and Kendall only turned around when Carlos said, "Coffee's here."

Kendall turned around. His green eyes lit up the moment he saw me, and I was in his arms in two seconds. "Sophie, what are you doing here?" He kissed me. "I wasn't supposed to see you for two more weeks." He kissed me again.

I buried my face in his shoulder. "I missed you, I had to see you." He spun me around and still couldn't believe that I was here.

"I missed you too, so much. You're all I've been able to think about." He looked at me and kissed my forehead. "Let's go to the beach."

"Right now? Kendall, you're in the middle of rehearsal, isn't that kind of important?"

He shook his head. "No. You're what's important. You're here and I'm going to spend every second of my time with you until you go home."

Sadie assured me that she'd be fine, I could tell that she wanted to spend some alone time with our favorite band. My heart fluttered as we hopped in Kendall's car and headed toward the beach.


	8. Chapter 8

**Kendall's POV**

We drove in silence to the beach, holding hands the entire time. It still felt like a dream, I couldn't believe that Sophie was here. I tried my hardest not to stare at her, but it was too hard. The sun was hitting her just right, I swear it looked like she was glowing, I was so in love with her, I couldn't believe it. I had finally decided I was going to tell her; that's what Logan and I were talking about when she walked through the door. I was so glad I didn't have to tell her over the phone.

I pulled into a parking space and led her to a remote location. I had been coming here a lot to think about her, and now I could share this secluded spot with her. Hardly anyone came to this part of the beach, and I was more than fine with her. I loved the look in her eyes as she took in the natural beauty, the way she laughed when she put her feet in the ocean for the first time, and the way her lips felt again mine. We sat by the water's edge and didn't say anything for a long time. We just sat there together, enjoying each other's company. I was the first to speak. "I'm so glad you're here, Soph. I've missed you so much."

She smiled. "I've missed you too. I was so stoked when Sadie agreed to come along with me, although she's probably pissed for me leaving her at the studio."

"I'm sure she's fine. Carlos text me and told me they were going to take her for lunch and to go sightseeing, and wanted me to tell you 'thanks for the hookup, she's beautiful.' They said we are all just going to meet back at my place for dinner and maybe a movie night."

"That sounds like fun." She looked at her watch. "Although I do have to be at the hotel to check in before five."

I was shocked. Even though I hadn't known she was coming, I had assumed she'd be staying with me. I had more than enough room. "You're staying in a hotel?"

"Well I have to stay somewhere, Kendall. Unless you want me sleeping on the street."

"No, it's just." I was getting frustrated that my words were getting jumbled. I paused and took a deep breath. "How long are you here for?"

"Ten days."

I shook my head. "You are not staying in a hotel for that long, it will cost you a fortune!"

"Then where do you suggest I stay?"

"With me." The look on her face told me she hadn't been expecting me to say that. I grabbed her hands and said, "Look, Soph, if you're only here for a week and a half, I don't want to spend a single minute apart from you. I'm sure Sadie will understand. Plus, I have more than enough room for the both of you to stay. I don't expect you to sleep with me, but I want you to stay at my house." I swallowed hard, and before I was able to stop them, the words were out of my mouth. "I love you so much, Sophie and I want to spend as much time as I can with you before we have to be apart again."

She definitely hadn't been expecting me to say that. I could see the tears form in her eyes. "You… you love me?" All I could do was nod. I was nervous and scared; I had never been in love before. But I was one hundred percent sure I was in love with the beautiful girl in front of me. "Kendall… I've been so scared to tell you. That's the whole reason I came out here, and I was worried you didn't feel the same." She smiled, an amazing smile that told me she was truly happy. "I love you too. I am so in love with you that it hurts me to be apart from you. This last week has been absolute hell and I hate being without you. I'm SO relieved that you love me."

I couldn't believe it. This girl that I hadn't even known two months ago, that had put all of her trust in me, and was the best thing that had ever happened to me, was in love with me. I felt my heart soar and I knew right then that I had never been so happy in my entire life. We walked back to the car, and I didn't want our day to end. She had text Sadie, and she agreed to stay at my house. One thing to make my life a little easier. I couldn't wait to spend time with her best friend and show her how good for her I was. Sophie had told me that Sadie had never liked Charlie, and now was my chance to prove that Sophie was happy.

We met up with the guys and all headed back to my place. James and I made dinner for everyone, and we all got to know each other a little better. I couldn't help but notice Carlos couldn't stop staring at Sadie and she didn't seem to mind. The girls told us about all the trouble they used to get in when they were little, and how they were practically sisters. I looked around, completely understanding what they meant. I had two biological brothers, but sitting in this room, I had three more. We told them about the pranks we all pulled on each other and the crew, and somehow the upcoming tour got brought up. I know she'd never admit it, but I could see the sadness in Sophie's eyes. I didn't want her to think about me being on the road; I didn't want her to be sad. She braved through it, and I figured I'd just talk to her about it later.

James and Logan said goodnight, and Carlos decided to stay behind. He and Sadie were in the living room watching a movie while Sophie and I were sitting at the kitchen table. "Don't think about it."

She looked up. "Don't think about what?"

"Tour. Me being on the road, me being gone. All of my fans that I'll meet. I don't want you to think about any of that."

"I can't help it, Kendall. I thought I was ready for it, but I'm not. All of those gorgeous girls throwing themselves at you, begging you to take a picture, begging for an autograph. Whose to say you won't fall for one of them?"

"I say so. I told you before and I'll tell you a million times more if I have to: They aren't you. I want you, Sophie. It's you I'm in love with. I promise you."

Sophie did her best to smile, still not convinced by what I was telling her. "I guess so."

I kissed her forehead. "Don't think about it. I don't want it to ruin our time together. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Besides, I have a surprise for you."

She arched her eyebrows. "Oh yeah, what kind of surprise?"

"The best kind." I smiled, hoping she was going to like the news I delivered. "Here's the thing. This second album, we all wanted to be hands on. We each had written a few songs separately and collectively."

"Kendall, you told me all this at the cabin."

"I know. But here's what I didn't tell you. Altogether we had about thirty songs we had to chose from. Some of our favorite songs, ones we worked really hard on, didn't make the cut. A few nights ago when we talked, I really wanted to tell you, but I was going to wait until you got the album."

She shook her head. "Sweetheart, I'm still confused."

I went and grabbed the song list. "As a band, we really pushed for some of our songs. The studio also had final say, but we are all very proud of how this album is turning out. Take a look."

Her eyes scanned the paper, and I could still see the confusion on her face. That's when she saw it. I could see the recognition hit her eyes. "Kendall…" When I had played it for her, I hadn't given her a title, just the song itself. She was looking at a rough draft of what the album would look like, with no particular order. She was looking at what had been the first time I had ever poured my heart out to her. It held the memory of our first kiss, when she felt like she could truly trust someone. I had finally given the song a name, and was in love with the girl I wrote it for. There, toward the bottom of the sheet, was the song I wrote for the most beautiful girl in the world. I could feel my heart well as she read aloud. "You're Not Alone." Sophie looked at me with a loving gaze. "It's perfect, Kendall."


	9. Chapter 9

**Sophie's POV**

I felt like I was floating on a cloud. I couldn't believe You're Not Along was going to be on Big Time Rush's second album. I had only been in L.A for a few days, and I was dreading going back. Sadie and I spent all of our time with the boys. She was definitely falling for Carlos, and he was falling for her. We talked about going clubbing and decided it wasn't really our scene; so we usually ended up at one of the boy's houses watching movies all night. I spent a lot of time with Kendall on set, and although it sucked watching him kiss another girl, Katelyn was a sweetheart and totally understanding on why I didn't want Kendall kissing another girl. I got along with the rest of the cast pretty well, and it was interesting to see the acting side of him when all I had ever seen was the musician side.

Our fifth night in L.A, I decided I needed some alone time with my boyfriend. I loved being around Sadie and the guys, but I was leaving soon and I was going to miss him like crazy. We made dinner reservations and had the most romantic date. Afterward, we went for a walk on the beach, and down to the part where we went my first night here. I was so in love with Kendall, and I couldn't believe he was in love with me too.

Almost as if reading my mind, he kissed my forehead and whispered, "I love you."

I kissed his cheek. "I love you too. I don't ever want to leave. It's so beautiful here."

"So don't" I knew he was kidding, but part of me wanted him to be serious. I was trying so hard not to think of when he'd be out on tour. It hurt too much to think about. What Kendall didn't know is that I was planning on surprising him for a couple shows. I didn't care how far I'd have to drive, I wasn't going for two months without seeing him.

We sat on the beach for a few hours, and I was amazed at how much I still didn't know about him. Not that I mind at all; I love learning new things about him. We got back to Kendall's house and there was a note from Sadie. _Went out with Carlos, won't be back for a while. Don't wait up! Xoxo Sadie._

I showed Kendall the note. "Looks like we're going to be alone for a while."

He shrugged. "Wanna just watch a movie or something?"

I nodded, "Sure, that's fine." I wasn't going to pay attention to whatever we were watching. For some reason, I was transfixed by him tonight. There was something about him that I couldn't put my finger on. He was just so damn sexy. We went and changed into our pajamas and cuddled up on the couch together. After about five minutes I cuddled my head into his neck. He smelled SO good. I leaned up and kissed him, but this time, I didn't pull away. He didn't either. We sat there for a moment when I felt his tongue begging for entrance. Sure, we had kissed, but nothing like this. It was like ecstasy. I could feel his hand on my back, suddenly very aware of why I was transfixed by him. I pulled away, and he looked at me like a puppy that had just been scolded.

"Something wrong?"

I shook my head. "No. Well…maybe. Kinda" I found myself jumbling my words. I was getting nervous. This was a talk we hadn't had, and I was wondering when it was going to come up. "Look, Kendall, I love you, I do. But I don't know if I want to do… that."

A smile crossed his lips. "Do what? Kiss?" He knew what I meant and was teasing me for being so shy about it. Jerk.

"That's not what I mean, and you know it. I just don't want to dive into sex too soon. I know we haven't really had the awkward exes talk, except for small bits about Charlie, but I feel like we really need to. With him, I dove into something I thought I was ready for and I wasn't, and I have regretted it ever since. It was too soon, and he wasn't the right person."

Kendall bit his lip. "I know what you mean. I did the same thing with my last girlfriend. At the time, I thought it was what I wanted. But when we split, I was devastated. Look, Sophie, I'm not going to pressure you into something that you're not ready for, especially if I'm not ready either."

I couldn't believe what I had just heard. "So… you understand?"

"Completely. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the steamy make out session we were about to have, but if you're not comfortable with that either then that's cool too."

Now it was my turn to bite my lip. "I never said I wasn't okay with that." He smiled and leaned into kiss me. About ten minutes later, we were interrupted by the sound of laughing and the door being opened. Sadie and Carlos stepped in, and I could see the blush on their faces.

"Oh, hey, guys. We didn't know you'd be home." Sadie looked at her phone. "We figured you'd still be out."

"No we decided to come home and wait for you crazy kids." I winked at my friend. "We were just getting ready to head up to bed anyway, if you guys want the couch."

Carlos looked sad. "I'd love to stay, but we have an early morning. Tour rehearsals are in full gear tomorrow. Maybe we can do lunch?" Sadie nodded; Carlos kissed her on the cheek and he left.

"What am I, chopped liver?" Kendall threw his hands up in the air. "He didn't even say hi to me, and I'm his best friend!"

I punched him in the arm. "You'll get over it. He's right though, you do need to get to bed. You have a long day ahead of you and you need to get some rest." He kissed me goodnight and we went our separate ways.

Sadie and I stayed up most of the night talking. She told me all about her date with Carlos, and how anytime I came to see Kendall, she wanted to come. I told her about my plan to surprise Kendall at one of their shows, and she was all in. She didn't want me to tell Carlos so that we could surprise him too. I told her about my date with Kendall, and how he had taken me down to the beach again. I cleverly avoided our discussion we had earlier, thanks to her willingness to tell me every detail about Carlos.

We were both exhausted, and when it was finally time for bed, I couldn't sleep. I tried my hardest, but couldn't stay comfortable for more than twenty seconds. It started to rain, and I was hoping it would lull me to sleep. Unfortunately soon after the rain started, thunder and lightning followed. I pulled the pillow over my head. I was terrified of storms. Usually I'd curl up with my favorite stuffed animal at home, blare my music, and throw on a sleeping mask. But I didn't have any of that. I did, however, have a loving boyfriend just down the hall. My mind wandered to the night we accidentally fell asleep together. I was so comfortable and have never slept so well in my life. I got up and started to tiptoe down the hall when I remembered he had to get up early. I didn't want to wake him, so I headed to the kitchen to make a warm drink.

I was surprised to see the light on when I walked in. Kendall was standing over the stove and heard me come in. He turned toward me. "Hey, beautiful."

"Hey. What are you doing up?"

He shrugged. "I could ask you the same thing."

I heard a clap of thunder and pointed to the ceiling. "Storm. I hate them."

"I know. That's why I'm up too." I looked at him, and I must have looked confused so he continued, "You told me that at the lake house. You said sometimes the only thing that will calm you down when the music fails is a nice warm cup of tea." He set a cup down in front of me. "Tada!"

I knew it was stupid, but I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. "I didn't think you were listening. How on earth did you remember that?"

"I remember everything you tell me. Like how you love the way your house smells after your dad brings in the Christmas tree, how sometimes you've joked about being an only child but in reality you'd miss your brother and sister too much, that if you could you'd live on a farm and have hundreds of animals because of how much you love them." I just stared at him, my mouth agape. Little details about myself, even the smallest, most minuscule detail, Kendall remembered.

I sat in silence for a minute or two, collecting my thoughts. My tea was delicious, and it was definitely doing the trick of helping me fall asleep. After I drained my cup, I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. "Well you need to get back to bed because you have rehearsal."

We walked down the hall and Kendall kissed me goodnight again. I started to walk away when I felt him grab my hand. "Why don't you come sleep with me tonight?" I was debating when I heard another crack of thunder and jumped. He pulled me in close. "I'll protect you from the storm." With that, Kendall led me to his bed and pulled me under the covers. He kissed my ear and whispered. "I'd protect you from anything." I fell asleep, knowing that he was telling the absolute truth.


	10. Chapter 10

The next few days went by too quickly. Before I knew it, we were standing in the airport waiting for our flight. I didn't want to leave. I loved being in L.A. and I loved being with Kendall. I heard them call for our flight, and I was dreading having to board the plane. Kendall wrapped me in his arms for a hug. "Call me when you land?"

I nodded, and I could feel the tears flow. He pulled my chin up so I was staring into those dazzling green eyes. "Nothing is going to change. I promise. It's going to suck not seeing you but we will still talk or video chat every day." He pressed his lips to mine. "I love you too much to not talk to you."

"I love you too, Kendall." Sadie and I said our goodbyes to the other boys, and with that, we were headed back to Iowa. As soon as we landed I sent Kendall a quick text.

_Made it home safe. Miss you._

It didn't take long for him to reply. Glad to hear. _I miss you too, gorgeous._

I smiled. I love when he complimented me. I had never felt like I was very attractive, but Kendall took every opportunity to tell me how beautiful or amazing or special I was. I couldn't get over the feeling. I glanced over at Sadie who was laughing but holding back tears. No doubt she was texting Carlos. It made me miss Kendall even more.

_I love you so much. I can't wait to see you again._

_I love you too. I can't wait to see you either. Time will fly, I promise._

I dropped Sadie off at her house and headed home. My parents and siblings were there to greet me, asking me all about my adventures in California. I pulled out my camera and showed them all the sites that Kendall had taken me to see and told them all crazy stories from my trip. Despite having slept on the flight, I was exhausted. I headed up to my room and laid on my bed. After the night of the storm, I spent almost every night in Kendall's bed. I missed it; it was a lot more comfy than mine.

As if he was reading my mind, my phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hey, you. How was the flight." I felt my heart break a little. I missed him so much and it had only been a few hours. How was I going to survive a few weeks?

"It was okay. I slept through most of it, had you on repeat again."

He laughed. "Well I hope you get used to it. I sing a lot, especially at home doing menial chores."

"I know you do." I had spent days laughing at him as he made dinner, cleaned the house, even checking the mail, singing the entire time. "It's one of the things I love about you." He had also been singing every night before he feel asleep. I loved his voice being the last thing I heard every night, and sometimes, it actually helped me sleep.

We talked for a few more hours before we hung up. I was exhausted and he was going out with the guys. He swore he'd be on his best behavior and promised to let me know when he got home. Despite being completely worn out, I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned all night, but I missed Kendall too much. This went on for a week and a half. I missed the way his arms felt around me, I missed his voice in my ear, and I missed the way he smelled. I pulled the shirt out of my closet that he had given me. It was one of his famous plaid shirts, and he promised me he wouldn't miss it. I had cuddled up with it a few nights and was able to sleep a tiny bit better, but not much. I tried to hide it from him as much as possible, but he could still tell.

"Are you okay, babe? No offense, but you don't look so good." It was one of the rare occasions where they didn't have a show that night and we were taking advantage of it.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine, just not sleeping very well. You said you had some important news, what is it?"

He looked like a little kid Christmas morning. "We just found out that we are going to have our own movie! As soon as we're done touring, we're headed up to Canada to shoot it."

"Kendall, that's amazing! I'm so proud of you." I smiled, wishing I could be there for him. This was huge for them, and I hated missing out. "I wish you didn't have to go to Canada, though."

"Oh, I've got it all planned out. After tour, you're going to come stay with me in Canada while we shoot. Maybe not for the whole thing, but for most of it."

I laughed. "Sign me up. I'd love to spend a few months away from everything, especially if I'd get to spend it all with you."

He looked at me, seeing right through my lie from earlier. "Yeah, and then maybe you'd get some sleep. I could cuddle you, it'd smell like me, and I could sing to you. But it wouldn't be my bed, I hope that's okay."

I knew I was blushing. "As long as I'm with you, I don't care. Plus, I don't think it's all you're fault I'm not sleeping well, it could be a ton of things."

He knew as well as I did that it was a lie. I missed my boyfriend, and everyone could see it. I heard him being called away and we said our goodbyes. I spent the rest of the evening with my family playing board games. I wasn't seeing Dr. Stephens as often, and I was starting to feel like my old self. I wanted to do things with my family and friends, and she flat out told me I had Kendall to thank for that. In our last session, I had told her that I felt like Kendall had saved my life, and she agreed with me. It was nice being able to laugh with my family and not have them look at me like I was broken and fragile. I was healing, and I was me again.

It was nearly two in the morning when I finally went up to bed. Knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep right away, I pulled out my computer. I had an email from Kendall with a video attachment. I downloaded it, completely unsure of what it could be. I smiled when I saw his face, and couldn't help but notice the guitar in his hands.

"Hey, sweetie. I know we were kind of joking around about you not sleeping very well, but I'm hoping this helps. First you should know, there is a new shirt and a bottle of cologne on the way for you, as I'm sure the one you have smells more like you than it does me. I know it's not the same, but it will have to hold you over. Second, I know how much you love it when I sing to you, so this is to help you sleep."

He started strumming his guitar. It was a slow, sweet song that I didn't recognize, but I loved hearing his voice natural and not in the studio. As much as I couldn't believe it, I felt myself drift off to sleep. The song ended, he smiled at the camera and said, "Goodnight, I love you." My screen went blank and I felt tears in my eyes. I had the most thoughtful boyfriend ever. I sent him a text.

I loved the video. I love you too.

I was finally able to get a peaceful night of sleep. Kendall did this every night for the next week. He'd send me a video or we'd video chat right before bed and he'd sing me to sleep. It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me. I kept thinking he'd run out of ways to amaze me, but so far, he hadn't.

We had both begun to count down in anticipation; two more weeks and we'd get to see each other. Little did he know, Sadie and I were planning another surprise. The guys were going to be at a state fair that was about six hours away, and we had gotten VIP passes. We were going to surprise him and Carlos just like when I had surprised him in California. We weren't worried about the drive, all we cared about was seeing our boys. I couldn't wait. Sadie had decided we needed to get new outfits. If we were going to have to compete with every other girl at the venue, we might as well look the hottest. I was getting ready to leave for the mall when I heard a knock at the door. I swung it open and couldn't believe who was standing in front of me.

"Charlie?"


	11. Chapter 11

"Ch..Charlie? What are you doing here?" I was shocked to see him. We hadn't talked since we had broken up, and now he was standing in my doorway.

He shrugged. "I've been thinking about you a lot lately; I miss you. I wanted to see if you wanted to grab a cup of coffee or something."

"No." I said without missing a beat. Most people would have said 'No thank you' or 'I'd rather not,' but I wasn't going to be polite with him, and I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.

"No?" He looked hurt. "C'mon, Sophie, one cup of coffee won't hurt anything."

"Yes, it can. I don't want to go anywhere with you. The last time we spoke, you told me the world would be better off if I were gone." I hadn't meant to yell at him, but I had a lot of pent up anger towards Charlie, and he deserved to hear what I had to say. "You realize I tried to kill myself right? I thought everything you had told me was true and that I was the reason you had started hitting me. But I'm better now; I'm not as week as I was then."

"I'm not the same person I was either. When I heard you had tried to kill yourself, it hurt me, a lot. I realized that hitting you was wrong, and I decided to change. That if I was lucky enough to get a second chance, I'd do things right."

He could not be serious. "A second chance?! Maybe when hell freezes over. I would never give you a second chance, ever. Besides, I have a boyfriend now. I'm not going to ruin things with him by listening to your bullshit over coffee."

I could see anger in eyes, although his face didn't show any. I knew that look, it was the same look he used to have when he hit me. Calm and cool on the outside, rage and anger on the inside. "A boyfriend. Who is it?"

I shrugged, not caring if I pissed him off more. "It doesn't matter who, you don't know him." I shut the door and pushed past him. "But I'm going to see him next week, and I'm meeting Sadie at the mall, and I'm late. Goodbye."

He was trailing behind me, trying to get me to talk to him. But I was done; I had said my peace and now he could be out of my life. I laughed as I drove away, seeing his dumbfound expression in my rearview mirror. I silently prayed he wouldn't be waiting for me when I got back, or make any more attempts to contact me. As I drove to the mall, I couldn't help but think back over our time together. I had thought I was in love with him, and we had been talking about spending the rest of our lives together and starting a family. I thought he loved me and would always protect me, but I was wrong. He rushed me into having sex with him before I was ready, and I don't think he ever actually loved me. I was surprised when I felt a tear fall down my cheek. I did NOT miss him, but it still hurt. We had been together for a year and a half, and I felt like that entire time was a lie. I pulled into the parking lot and sat in my car for a few minutes. I jumped when I heard the phone ring.

"Hello?"

Tingles ran up my spine when I heard Kendall on the other end. "Hey you. Are you okay?"

I sniffed. "Yeah, I guess so." I laughed pitifully. "Not really, but I don't want to talk about it right now."

"That's fine, we can talk about it whenever you're ready. I just wanted to call and tell you that I love you and I miss you. Only a few more weeks and you'll be in my arms again."

I smiled. "I love you too. I can't wait to see you again." We hung up and I couldn't help but fall a little more in love with him. Charlie had never done anything like that. Kendall was in the middle of tour preparations, and he called just to tell me he loved me. I could not wait to see him.

Sadie and I spend a few hours at the mall, finding the perfect outfits. We each found ones that we knew would blow our boys away. I had told her about Charlie coming over, and she said she was proud of me for telling him off. A few months ago, I would have caved and taken his apology and believed his lies. But that was before I met Kendall, and he completely changed my life.

I got home, exhausted from my day with Sadie. It was nice, spending time with her and not feeling depressed. I couldn't believe how much progress I had made in just about a month and a half. I got home and turned my computer on. I spent a few hours messing around, hoping Kendall would be able to call me after his show. This would be the first time we had video chatted after a show, and I couldn't wait to see the passion in his eyes. I heard my computer chime, and I felt the familiar butterflies in my stomach at seeing his name. His face appeared on my screen and for the first time I saw post concert Kendall. He was sweating, his hair was a mess, and there was an undeniable passion in his eyes.

"Hey you! How was the show?"

"It was amazing, we have the best fans in the world." He told me all about the concert and the crazy things the boys did when they were on stage. I had to bite my lip to keep from telling him that I was going to see it live in a few days. I was listening to his stories when my computer chimed again, alerting me of an I.M. It was from Charlie.

_Can't stop thinking about you._

I thought I was going to vomit. "Soph, are you okay? You just got really pale."

I shook my head. I did not want to lie to Kendall, especially about this. "No, I'm not. I just got an I.M. from Charlie." He started to say something, but I interrupted. "That's not the worst part. He came to see me today." Kendall's jaw dropped. I told him he didn't have anything to worry about and that I had told him off, but he still didn't like the sound of it. We talked for about an hour before we had to say goodbye. He sang to me before we got off, and still sent me a video. He was the sweetest guy I had ever known.

The next few days seemed to drag. Sadie and I were so excited about getting to see the guys that we could barely contain our excitement. She was nervous about seeing Carlos again, and kept thinking that he was going to forget her. I assured her that he wouldn't, that she was too amazing. We had planned on driving up the day of the concert and just staying that night, but we were so excited we drove up a day early. The next morning when we woke up, we couldn't contain our excitement. We went to the fair to hang out, making sure if the guys were out and about that they wouldn't spot us.

We headed off to sound check and stayed toward the back. I wanted to be able to see them, but be far enough away that Kendall wouldn't be able to tell it was me. Even though it wasn't a true performance, I loved watching him live with the other guys. Seeing him on my computer was nothing compared to seeing him on stage with his guitar. He was breathtaking. Sadie and I headed off toward the meet and greet, feeling a little silly that we had to wait in line to see my boyfriend. We made sure we were last in line so we'd be the last ones they saw. When I saw him up close again, I had butterflies in my stomach. I don't think I was ever going to get over how lucky I was.

The guys were interacting with fans, and James was the first to see us. I motioned for him not to say anything, and he just winked at me. He waved at Sadie and she made the same motion. He nudged Logan so he saw us too, and as the line progressed, I could tell they were trying to keep Kendall and Carlos distracted. I loved how they had all welcomed me; it was a good feeling. I waved to the bodyguard who I had met a few times and he smiled. He looked over at the boys and said, "Okay, guys. These are the last few so you can take about five minutes with them."

Sadie and I walked right up to them. Kendall's eyes lit up when he saw me, as I'm sure Carlos's did too when he saw Sadie. We had our picture taken with them, and Kendall pulled me in for a tight hug.

"I could get used to this whole you surprising me thing." He kissed my forehead.

I laughed. "I think I could too."

Over the next few minutes, we took the time catching up over what we had missed while the boys were on tour. The security guard called them away and they promised to come find us when the concert was over.

I was blown away by the performance. I hadn't been to a lot of concerts, so I wasn't sure what to expect. The guys put on such a great show and I loved how real they were to their fans. They even pulled one girl on stage to sing to her. I thought I would be jealous, but I wasn't. Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan were the most real, down to earth people that I had ever met. True to their word, they found us once the concert was over. Instead of hanging out on the tour bus, we took the guys back to the hotel. They didn't have a lot of time before they had to head out, so we had to make the most of it. Sadie and I told them how impressed we were with the show and they told us about what it was like being in a different city every night.

I didn't want the night to end, but I soon had to say goodbye. I promised Kendall no more surprises until he came back from tour, especially since this one was the closest. We said goodbye in the lobby, and as I turned to walk back to the elevator, I stopped. I nudged Sadie, "Hey, did you see that?"

She shook her head. "See what?"

"Never mind, I must just be tired." For a minute, I thought I had seen Charlie outside the hotel. But I was six hours from home, and I was going crazy. I headed back up to our room, hoping that I would still get my goodnight video from Kendall.


	12. Chapter 12

The next few months were absolute torture. After seeing Kendall in concert, I went back home and had to put up with Charlie. He was constantly calling or texting me, he even showed up a few more times. Normally, I wouldn't have cared as much. But it had been two months since I had seen Kendall, it was now mid-September, and I had only seen him once in the two month period. As much as I loved being with him, it was definitely starting to strain on our relationship. I hadn't meant to get so upset, but when he called the other day, I just broke down. It led to our first fight, and I felt like shit about it afterward. I couldn't even tell you what the fight was about now, just that it was the most painful thing I've been through. It was like a knife was stabbing me repeatedly. I had been such a bitch to him that I didn't think he'd keep his promise of calling everyday, yet he still did. We made up and agreed that while this wasn't ideal, it was better than not being together at all.

A few days later I had the house to myself; my parents had taken my brother and sister to the lake house, and I had opted to stay home. I didn't want to be there without Kendall, and I felt like I needed some alone time. Ever since I had tried to kill myself, I wasn't allowed to be alone for more than five minutes. Now that I was completely okay I was allowed to be alone again. I was in the middle of a movie when I heard the doorbell ring. It either had to be Sadie or Charlie, and I prayed that it was Sadie.

I opened the door and saw a man standing there, holding a bouquet of flowers. He dropped them so I could see his face, the familiar blonde hair was the first thing to catch my attention. "Surprise!"

"Kendall! What are you doing here?" I couldn't believe he was standing in my kitchen.

"I have a few days off before we head up to Canada to film, so I figured I'd come see my favorite girl." He pulled me in, and I wanted to stay in the warmth of his arms forever. "I missed you, I had to see you."

I buried my face in his shoulder. We had been together now for a little over three months, and he still knew how to make me blush. "I've missed you too." I looked up at him and kissed him, loving the way his lips felt. It had been far too long. "I'm so happy to see you."

I put the flowers in a vase and set them on the table. I pulled Kendall onto the couch and resumed my movie. In that moment, nothing mattered but him. I loved him with everything I had, and I wanted to be with him all the time. I had been debating on moving out to L/A., but wasn't sure how he was going to feel about it. I glanced up at him. "Hey, Kendall?"

"Mmhm?"

I was about to continue when the doorbell rang again. I wasn't going to answer it; whoever it was could go away. No one was about to ruin my time with Kendall. The doorbell rang again and he moved to answer it. "Nooo." I whined. He just rolled his eyes at me and jumped up to answer the door. I sat on the couch, pouting. Whoever was at the door was going to get my wrath.

Kendall opened the door, and I got knots in my stomach when I heard the voice behind the door. "Uh, hi. Is Sophia here?" Dammit why, WHY did it have to be Charlie.

For a minute, I thought Kendall was going to move aside and let him in. But he didn't, he stood his ground. Realization must have hit him, and he did not look happy. "Yes, she is, but she's busy. Is there something I can help you with?"

I could practically feel the tension. Charlie hadn't realized yet who Kendall was, and I was getting worried that he was going to punch Charlie in the face. I jumped up off the couch and moved to Kendall's side.

"Hey, Sophie. I was wondering," his voice trailed off as his eyes fell to our hands, which were now entwined.

"I told you, Charlie, I have a boyfriend. I've been telling you that for months now. Whatever we had ended a long time ago, please respect it." I would never admit it, but Charlie still frightened me. I tightened my grip on Kendall's hand, and he could tell I was uncomfortable.

"I think it's time for you to go." Kendall stood a little straighter. "And I know it's time for you to leave my girl alone."

Charlie scoffed. "You're girl? Please, pretty boy, she was mine first and I could take her from you at any minute." His voice sounded venomous, like the last time he had hit me. Charlie moved to take a step inside, and Kendall stood his ground.

He glared daggers at Charlie. "I said it's time for you to go."

I moved in between them, worried they were going to start fighting. "Charlie, please, just go. Kendall and I only have a short time together, and I'll be damned if I let anyone ruin it." With that, I shut the door in his face and locked it. We moved back to the couch and I was shaking. I was hoping Kendall wouldn't notice, but he did.

He put a comforting arm around me. "I'm so sorry you've had to put up with him." He looked down at my hands. "Soph, he's gone. Why are you shaking so bad?"

I was so embarrassed. After almost a year, I was still scared of him. I looked up at Kendall and could feel the tears burning my eyes. "Because, Kendall, he's not gone. I see him everywhere." I started shaking my head, feeling horrible for having not told him. "Sometimes he seems like the guy I thought I was in love with, and then he turns into an angry psychopath. At first, I thought it was just a coincidence, seeing him the places I was going. I hadn't really gone out since I had tried to kill myself, but after we got together I started feeling normal. I was seeing everyone I knew so I figured seeing him was no big deal." I swallowed hard. "But I think he's following me, Kendall. That night in Minnesota, after the fair, I could have sworn I saw him at the hotel."

Kendall was dumbstruck. "What? When? I thought you said that was a six hour drive for you."

"It was. When Sadie and I walked you guys out, we stayed in the lobby for a few minutes talking about how lucky we were. We were debating on running out after you and begging you to spend the night. I turned toward the lobby doors and for a split second, I thought I saw him." I shook my head and buried my face in my hands and sobbed. I knew I probably sounded crazy, maybe I was.

He laid his hand on my back and tried to calm me. "Why didn't you tell me? If you were honestly worried, I would have made you stay with me that night."

"Because I thought it sounded crazy. There was no way he'd drive six hours just to stand outside my hotel. When we left the next morning, I didn't see any sign that he had been there, so I shook it off. Then the last month he's been everywhere. The grocery store, the movies, the mall, restaurants. That's part of what I wanted to talk to you about before you jumped up to answer the door."

I turned to him and laid my hands in his. "I've been thinking a lot about this lately. I miss you, and I hate being away from you. I know it might seem kind of sudden, but I think I want to move to California. I'm not saying I want us to live together, but I do want to live closer to you. This time and distance is killing me, and I'm not sure I can handle much more. Plus, with everything happening with Charlie, I just think I need to get away from here, and I'd feel a lot safer knowing you're just a phone call away instead of a plane ride away." I bit my lower lip, nervously waiting for Kendall to answer. I'm sure it was a lot to take in, and I wasn't sure how fast he wanted us to move.

"I'd feel a lot safer having you there, too. I wish you would have told me you were worried about him following you. I would have demanded that you come stay with me and get away from here." He kissed my forehead. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

"Absolutely, and I won't be on my own." Kendall raised his eyebrow at me and I laughed. "Sadie said if I ended up actually moving, she'd move with me. We both want the chance for a fresh start, and chance to start over and redefine who we are."

He stayed with me for the rest of the afternoon. We finished watching the movie, I made dinner, and we went for a walk around town. I couldn't have imagined a more perfect day with him. It was exactly what I needed to calm my nerves.

My family came home the next day and were thrilled to meet Kendall. Mom already knew him of course, but my dad and siblings didn't. They had all told me numerous times they couldn't wait to meet the boy that saved my life, and I couldn't wait for them to meet him. He spent the few spare days he had getting to know my family, and told me that someday we'd do the same with his. I couldn't wait to move and be around him all the time. Even if he was busy, he'd still be closer than he is now.

I didn't want to have to say goodbye. He had to get back to L.A. to make final preparations before he and the guys headed to Canada to shoot their movie. "I promise to call when I land."

"Good. I hate having to worry about you, you know."

He laughed. "I know. I hate worrying about you too. I'm going to look around and see if I can find someplace close for you to live."

I shook my head. "Don't worry about that, I'll find somewhere. You just focus on being a movie star."

"I will on one condition. You and Sadie have to come up and visit at least once during filming."

"We'll see." We both knew I was lying. We'd be up there the entire time if we could. We said our I love you's and our goodbyes, and I watched him drive away. It was exciting to know the next time I'd see him, I'd be moving out to California to start my life. It was a good feeling.


	13. Chapter 13

Sadie and I spend the remainder of September apartment hunting. Thankfully, it wasn't that hard. We were able to find a place no too far from Kendall's that happened to be right in our price range. We had flown out to see the apartment, and fell in love with it. We ended up putting down the deposit that weekend. The beginning of October was spent with a lot of packing. I never realized how much stuff I had until it was sitting in boxes. I still had enough clothes to last until we officially left, but I was starting to feel like whenever I packed one box, I found enough stuff to fit three more. Mom agreed to let me keep some stuff at her house and told me I could get it once we got settled. Me wanting to move hit Mom pretty hard. She knew it was coming, she just didn't know how soon. My older brother had moved out years ago, and my older sister had moved out just last year. I had to remind her that I'd be 21 in a few months, and that most 21 year olds don't still live at home. I was her baby, so I understood why it was hard.

Kendall had told me he went through something similar. He warned me that Kathy came to visit him a lot because she missed him being at home. Kathy could come visit me all she wanted. I knew I was going to be homesick, and Kathy would be the perfect motherly figure to look after me. Plus, I knew Mom would be asking her to look after me anyway; making sure I was eating, making sure we could pay the bills, seeing if I needed anything. Basic mom job stuff.

Tour was finally over, and the boys were up in Canada filming the movie. We still talked everyday, and he would occasionally send me videos from set. I loved seeing him and the guys goofing off, and I couldn't wait to see him. Sadie and I were planning a trip up there, when we received a surprise in the mail. Although we yelled at them for it, we were thankful. Kendall and Carlos had put together an entire trip for us, paid for the plane tickets, and were paying for the hotel. They planned for us to stay two weeks, and we both fought it tooth and nail. We had received the surprise in the mail, and I called Kendall as soon as I got it.

"Kendall, while I appreciate this and am dying to see you, this is just too much."

"No, Soph, it's not. It's not nearly enough."

"It's more than enough. Besides, I can't imagine what this cost you."

"First of all, don't worry about the cost. Carlos paid for half since Sadie is coming. Second, money is not an object and I don't want you to worry about it, ever."

I gnawed on my lip. "Sweetheart, I love this, and I love you for it. But…" I paused, unsure how to continue. After a minute I said, "I don't want you to think that's why I'm with you."

Kendall was puzzled. "What do you mean?"

I rolled my eyes even though he couldn't see it. "Money, Kendall. I don't want you to think I'm with you because you're some big superstar."

He chuckled. "Honey, I know that you're anything but a gold digger. If I felt that way, I would talk to you about it, but I don't. I just wanted to show you how much I appreciate you, and that you don't always have to be the one to spend money so we can be together."

I knew I wasn't going to win this argument, so I let it go. It was nice to know that even with as busy as he was, he still wanted to see me. That was the one thing I loved about Kendall and our relationship. No matter how busy he was, no matter what he was doing, I mattered to him; I was important. All four boys were like that. They were the most down to earth guys I had ever met, and I loved spending time with them.

By mid October, Sadie and I were ready to move. All of our furniture was already in the apartment, some of our boxes were out there, and everything else was going when we got back from Canada. We had debated getting a rental car and moving some stuff next week, but we decided we wanted to spend some time with our boys.

"You know, it feels kind of weird calling Carlos 'my boy.'" Sadie looked at me as we waited to board the plane.

"Why?"

She shrugged. "Well, because technically, he's not. We've hung out a bunch, but we haven't made it official."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "I thought you guys had been together for a month now!"

Sadie shook her head. "Not yet. I want it to be official; I love being with him. But I don't want to be the one to do it. I wanna know that he cares, I want him to ask me."

"I'm sure he will. Maybe that's what this mini vacation is about for him. You know he paid for half of this right?"

"What?!"

I nodded. "Kendall told me that he had mentioned he wanted to see me, and Carlos suggested that he just fly me to Canada. He thought you'd enjoy being there as well, he told Kendall we're practically attached at the hip. They didn't want us to pay for anything, so Kendall is paying for half and Carlos paid the other half." Sadie stared at me, jaw dropped. "He likes you, Sadie. Kendall told me he could tell, and he thinks he was just looking for an excuse to see you again."

I could see the blush forming on her cheeks. We talked about the boys throughout our entire flight, and I could tell Sadie was excited to see Carlos. We had a layover in Denver and our flight ended up getting delayed a few hours. The guys had planned on picking us up at the airport but with the delay, they'd have to send a car to pick us up.

When we finally landed in Vancouver, we were exhausted. Kendall and Carlos weren't able to pick us up, and when I called Kendall to tell him we landed, he sounded upset. "I'm so sorry, babe. I really wanted to be there to pick you up."

"It's okay, sweetie, I understand. I'm kind of worn out anyway so I wanted to take a quick nap and freshen up before you see me. I feel gross."

"Well I'm sure you look amazing. Get some rest, Carlos and I will be over as soon as we can. I love you."

"I love you too. Call before you come over, I'm probably going to fall into a coma."

I heard him laugh before we said goodbye. We headed to the hotel to check in, and when we headed up to the room, I almost called Kendall to yell at him again. They had booked us one of the suites so Sadie and I had separate bedrooms. If I wasn't so tired, I would have headed over to set to kill him. But after the flight delay, the jet lag was starting to sink in. I laid my head on the pillow and instantly fell asleep.

A few hours later I could hear my phone ringing. I still didn't want to get up, but I knew I'd have to. "Hey, Sleeping Beauty. Fell better?" I grunted into my phone, letting him know I wasn't happy he had woken me up. "Well get up and get dressed. Carlos and I are coming to get you guys to go to dinner."

That was all the motivation I needed to get out of bed. I let Sadie know, and she was more than excited to get ready to see Carlos. We got dressed, did our makeup and hair, and were discussing how we were going to make Carlos ask her out when there was a soft knock on the door.

We both jumped up off the couch and ran to answer the door. Kendall and Carlos were standing in the doorway, each of them with a bouquet of flowers in their hands. We put the flowers in our makeshift kitchen and headed out to dinner. They took us to a nice romantic restaurant, and spent some time catching up. I snuck a peek over at Carlos and Sadie, who were not so discreetly holding hands. I figured they'd be a couple before the night was over.

Kendall grabbed my hand and pulled me out of my daze. "I'm so glad you're here."

I smiled at him. "Me too."

He got a smirk on his face, and I knew he was up to something. "You might not be so glad after this weekend."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "And why is that, my darling Kendall?"

"Well… my parents and older brother are coming to visit. I told them maybe they should come later since you're here, and they suggested we all do dinner. We're going out with them Saturday night."

I smacked him in the arm. "Kendall Schmidt how could you not tell me about this before? You're giving me a two day notice that I have to meet and impress your family?"

He smiled at me. "You've already won over Mom, so I'm sure Dad and Kevin will love you. Don't worry about impressing them, just be yourself. Everything will be fine, I promise."

I couldn't stop the giant knot that was forming in my stomach. Kendall was the most important thing to me, what if his family didn't like me? I hoped he was right that I had nothing to worry about. I still wasn't very pleased that he was only giving me two days to prepare. He was definitely going to suffer for that.


	14. Chapter 14

I looked myself over in the mirror for the thousandth time. I was going to kill Kendall. He had given me a two day notice that his parents and brother were coming to down, and that we were having dinner with them. I was wearing a pair of dark jeans and a nice shirt; Kendall had told me not to dress up. But I wanted to make a good impression on his dad and brother. I ran the brush through my hair one final time before walking out to the living room. "How do I look?" I twirled around.

Sadie smiled. "You look beautiful."

Carlos nodded. "Like a million bucks." He had been hanging out a lot here, but still hadn't asked Sadie to be his girlfriend. I gave them a grateful thanks and was about to grill Carlos when Kendall walked in. We had gotten the boys each a key for the hotel room so they could just come and go.

Kendall smiled at me. "Hey, gorgeous. You look amazing." He planted a kiss on my cheek.

I rolled my eyes at him. "That's not going to get you out of trouble; I'm still going to kill you."

He pouted. "You're still mad at me?"

"Sort of! If I would have known your family was coming I would have packed something nicer to wear."

"They won't care what you're wearing, Soph. All they care about is meeting the girl that I'm madly in love with." Damn him. I couldn't be mad at him when he was being such a sweetheart. We said goodbye to Sadie and Carlos and headed off to the restaurant. I felt the familiar nervousness in my stomach that I'd had over the past few days. I already knew Kathy, so I wasn't worried about that. But what about Kent and Kevin? Sure, Kendall had told me about them, but I had no idea who they were or how to act around them.

"Stop it." Kendall pulled me out of my daze.

"Stop what?"

"You're worried about meeting my dad and brother. Don't be, I've told you, they'll love you."

"How in the hell do you always manage to read my mind?"

He chuckled. "It's easy when you look terrified. Trust me, Sophie, you have nothing to worry about." He kissed my hand.

Almost as if trying to ruin the moment, my phone rang. I pulled it out of my purse and my stomach turned. "Wanna guess again?" He looked at me while I read, "_Sophie, ditched pretty boy yet? Can't wait to see you again. C_."

Kendall was seething. "He's still texting you?"

I nodded. "Not as often since you told him to leave me alone, but it still happens every now and again. If it's not a text, it's an email. If it's not an email, it's an I.M. He's even called me a couple times. If I don't answer it just to hang up, he leaves a voicemail." I placed my hand back in Kendall's. "If it doesn't stop by the time we get back, I'm going to file a no contact order on him again. I've saved everything and have a backup copy. Soon we won't have to worry about it since I'll be in L.A."

We pulled into the restaurant and headed inside. "Well if it doesn't stop, I'm going to give that dirt bag a piece of my mind. Only this time, I won't be so friendly."

"Let's try not to think about it. Let's just get through dinner and worry about it later." Kendall nodded and we grabbed a table.

It didn't take long for his family to arrive. We placed our order and started to chat while we waited for our dinner. "So, Sophia, if you're really as amazing as my wife and son say you are, how exactly does a knucklehead like my son snag a girl like you?" Kent smiled at me.

"Sophie's fine. I felt bad for him, so I threw him a bone." I winked at Kendall as they all laughed. "While I wish that were the truth, I feel like I'm the one that snagged Kendall. I'm not sure how much they told you, but I was dealing with some personal issues and was in a pretty dark place. Kendall saved me from that."

"He played his guitar for you, didn't he?" Kevin looked at me like he already knew the answer.

"How does everybody know that?"

Kendall laughed. "Yes, I played my guitar for her. I wrote her a song, and I think that's how I got so lucky."

The rest of the evenings conversation was about how Mom and Kathy have known each other forever, how I was moving out to California, and how I felt about Kendall being so famous. I had only spent a few hours with them, and I loved them already. Kendall had been right, I had nothing to worry about. Somehow the conversation drifted to our holiday plans.

"We usually have family dinner for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I'm not sure with the crazy schedule how I'll manage to get all three of my boys home." Kathy sounded a little upset. "What are your plans, darling?"

I honestly wasn't sure. "I won't be officially moved out until the weekend of Thanksgiving, so I'll be home for that. But I need to find a job and probably won't be able to go home for Christmas."

"Why don't you come have Christmas with us?" Kent sounded excited.

I looked at Kendall and he shrugged. "If it's okay with you, it's okay with me. I'd love to have you at my house for Christmas."

Kevin spoke up, "What about your big trip?" I glanced up at Kendall and he just shook his head and Kevin realized he shouldn't have said anything.

"What trip?"

Kendall was still shaking his head. "Still undecided. We can talk about that later."

We finished dinner, the mention of Kendall's 'big trip' still in the back of my mind. Kathy and Kent made me promise to come visit as soon as I got moved in, and I agreed. I text Sadie to let her know we were done with dinner and were headed to Kendall's hotel room to give her and Carlos some alone time.

As we walked in and I set my bag down, Kendall could tell I was upset. "Kevin shouldn't have said anything." I nodded, waiting for him to continue. "I'm not even sure if I want to go."

"Kendall, I don't care what this is about, I just don't want to be lied to."

He took a deep breath. "I was making plans to go to Europe and do some reflecting. I just wanted to get away, you know? Then my older brother Kenneth offered to let me go to Bali with him and some friends." My jaw dropped. "I haven't given him an answer yet."

I was hurt. "When exactly were you planning on telling me this?"

He sounded guilty. "I don't know. He asked me before everything with Charlie happened and before I knew you were moving out here. I didn't think it'd matter."

"Of course it matters, Kendall!" I started to shout, holding back tears. "I hardly ever get to see you, and you weren't even going to tell me that you were going to be gone over Christmas?"

"Please, don't be upset. I don't want to fight."

"I don't want to either, but I'm not the one that lied to you. You should have just told me, Kendall. I would have understood."

"Are you mad because I didn't tell you, or because I didn't ask you to come?"

I'm sure he didn't mean it how I took it, but that was enough to send me over the edge. "I'm a big girl, Kendall. I don't NEED to be around you every second. I like having you around but I'd survive without you." Ouch, I definitely didn't mean that. Before he could stop me, I ran out and grabbed James and had him give me a ride back to my hotel. Neither of us spoke for the entire ride and I was grateful. I thanked him for the ride and headed to my room.

I walked in, hoping that Sadie wouldn't ask me why I was in tears. I wasn't expecting to see her sitting on the couch in the same predicament. I told her all about why I was so upset, and we moved onto her side.

"After you text me, I told Carlos we'd have the place to ourselves. We started talking and I brought up why he hasn't made a move yet. I told him everything I told you and he just didn't understand. I told him if he had any feelings for me he'd man up and admit it. It led to an argument and I kicked him out."

We talked for a few more hours, discussing what assholes guys were. I wondered where this left me and Kendall, knowing that I still wanted to be with him but not sure how he felt. I didn't bother to check my email before bed, I knew there wouldn't be a video.

I woke up the next morning feeling like absolute shit. I hadn't felt this way since I had met Kendall, and I didn't want to start now. I checked my phone and I had one text from him.

_I'm sorry for being such a jerk last night. The band is playing an impromptu concert tonight. Forgive me and say you'll come?_

I thought for a minute before sending a reply._ I'll think about it_.

After a few minutes my phone beeped. _That's all I can ask. I love you._

I smiled. At least he'd still tell me he loves me. _I love you too_.

I showered and walked out to the kitchen, made breakfast for Sadie and myself, and sat down on the couch. I turned on the TV and saw a newscast for the concert. I rolled my eyes and laughed beside myself. Sadie walked out of the bathroom. "I got a text from Carlos asking me to come to that tonight. He said he was sorry but wanted to say it to my face."

"Kendall said pretty much the same thing." There was a knock at the door, and we were surprised by a flower delivery man. There was a card that read: _Sorry for being such jerks. Hope to see you tonight. Kendall & Carlos_. "They are at least making an effort, so should we."

I couldn't believe how nervous I still was about seeing Kendall in concert. There wasn't any time to see him before the show, so I figured we'd just get pulled backstage afterward. The first half of the concert went great, and when it was time for Worldwide, my stomach churned. I did not want to watch some girl swoon over my boyfriend. I was contemplating leaving when Kendall spoke up. "Ordinarily for this next song, we pick one girl to come on stage to help us with this song." James and Logan were each pulling up a stool. "But tonight, we're pulling up two."

Carlos started in. "These are two of the craziest, most amazing, sweet, beautiful girls that we have ever met. Yesterday, we screwed up, and we want to show them how sorry we are." Sadie and I looked at each other in disbelief. This was why they wanted us to come. They were going to apologize in front of thousands of fans. I could see the bodyguard, Ranel, motioning for us to come with him. We walked up on stage, the crowd cheering. Sadie sat in between Carlos and Logan, I sat in between James and Kendall. The music started to play and Kendall mouthed "I'm sorry" and winked at me.

_Wait a minute before you tell me anything_  
_How was your day?_  
_'Cause I been missing_  
_You by my side, yeah_  
_Did I awake you out of your dream?_  
_I'm sorry but I couldn't sleep_  
_You calm me down_  
_There's something about the sound of your voice_

_I, I, I, I never, never, never_  
_As far away as it may seem no_  
_Soon we'll be together_  
_We'll pick up right where we left off_

I started to tear up as Kendall grabbed my hand. I could not believe he was doing this.

_Paris, London, Tokyo_  
_It's just one thing that I gotta do_  
_Hello, tuck you in every night on the phone_  
_Hello, tuck you in every night_  
_And I can hardly take another goodbye_  
_Baby, won't be long_  
_You're the one that I'm waiting on_  
_Hello, tuck you in every night on the phone, woah_

_Girl, I'll be thinking about you worldwide, worldwide, worldwide_  
_Girl, I'll be thinking about you worldwide, worldwide, worldwide_  
_Girl, I'll be thinking about you_

I looked over at Sadie. I could see her holding Carlos' hand, and he was staring deep into her eyes as they continued to sing.

_Yes, I may meet a million pretty girls_  
_That know my name_  
_But don't you worry, no_  
_'Cause you have my heart_  
_It ain't easy to keep on moving city to city_  
_Just get up and go_  
_The show must go on_  
_So I need you to be strong_

_I, I, I, I never, never, never_  
_As far away as it may seem no_  
_Soon we'll be together_  
_We'll pick up right where we left off_

I leaned into Kendall and laid my head on his shoulder. I couldn't believe I had ever been mad at him. Nothing mattered as long as I had him.

_Paris, London, Tokyo_  
_It's just one thing that I gotta do_  
_Hello, tuck you in every night on the phone_  
_Hello, tuck you in every night_  
_And I can hardly take another goodbye_  
_Baby, won't be long_  
_You're the one that I'm waiting on_  
_Hello, tuck you in every night on the phone, yeah_

_Girl, I'll be thinking about you worldwide, worldwide, worldwide_  
_Girl, I'll be thinking about you worldwide, worldwide, worldwide_  
_Girl, I'll be thinking about you_

_Whoa, wherever the wind blows me_  
_You're still the one and only girl on my mind_  
_No, there ain't no one better_  
_(Worldwide)_  
_So always remember_  
_(Worldwide)_  
_Always remember, girl, you're mine_

_Paris, London, Tokyo_  
_It's just one thing that I gotta do_  
_Hello, tuck you in every night on the phone_  
_Hello, tuck you in every night_  
_And I can hardly take another goodbye_  
_Baby, won't be long_  
_You're the one that I'm waiting on_  
_Hello, tuck you in every night on the phone, woah_

_Girl, I'll be thinking about you worldwide, worldwide, worldwide_  
_Girl, I'll be thinking about you worldwide, worldwide, worldwide_  
_Girl, I'll be thinking about you_

_Worldwide_  
_Yes, I may meet a million pretty girls_  
_That know my name_  
_But don't you worry_  
_'Cause you have my heart_

The song ended, Kendall stood up, pulled me in, and kissed me. I melted into him. I couldn't believe he had just kissed me in front of all of his fans. The crowd went crazy. "Does this mean I'm forgiven?" I couldn't help but nod.

Carlos started talking into his mic. "Guys this is Sadie. She's the most down to earth girl I've ever met. I care about her so much, and yesterday I screwed up big time. But I want the chance to make it right. Sadie… will you be my girlfriend?"

The crowd went wild as Sadie replied "Yes" into Carlos' mic.


	15. Chapter 15

I was back at home, preparing to move the rest of my stuff. Life had definitely changed since Kendall had pulled me up on stage to sing to me. After he kissed me, the crowd went crazy. A lot of fans thought he would have done that to any girl he pulled up, others figured we'd been seeing each other. Thankfully they didn't know my name, but I was still receiving some hate. I would occasionally check Twitter and would see all sorts of nasty things fans would write about me and Sadie. Not all of them were horrid, though. Some fans were really supportive and said if the guys were happy then that's all that should matter.

The boys' lives became hectic. They released their first music video for their single off their new album, announced a tour, and had received a gold record for the first album. I was so proud of Kendall and couldn't wait to be with him all the time. The release of the album was exciting. There was a lot of hype about the album since the boys had written some of the songs themselves. Fans went crazy for Cover Girl, it made us all feel special. But my heart welled with pride when I picked up my copy of the album and there, track eleven, was You're Not Alone. That song could remain my little secret; I was fine with that.

Kendall and I celebrated our first birthday together. His 21st was a few months before mine, and the boys were taking him to Vegas to celebrate. Sadie and I were more than willing to tag along. We had a great time out with the guys, and I finally got some alone time with my boyfriend. I took him out to dinner and gave him his gift. It wasn't much, but he needed a new par of Vans; that boy was obsessed with them. He was grateful for them. We went back to California and had dinner with his family. They were all happy to see me again, and I felt like I was a part of their family.

Thanksgiving came and went, and before I knew it, Sadie and I were standing in the airport saying goodbye to our families. When we stepped off the plane in California, we realized this was it; we were starting our new lives. We spent the first couple of days job searching. We found a few that would be feasible, but nothing stood out. Our guys got us some jobs on set until we got our feet on the ground, although the producer said we were doing so well, he'd make it permanent if we wanted.

Getting into December was a big deal for Kendall and I. The 17th would mark our 6 month anniversary. I couldn't believe it had already been that long. He and Carlos were at our apartment almost every day, and Kendall stayed over a few times.

"So, pretty girl, do you have any plans for the next few weeks?"

I was standing in the kitchen making dinner, and I glanced over my shoulder. "Just work. What about you?"

He shrugged. "Same. I'm going to miss you when I'm on vacation."

"I'm going to miss you too. But I'm going to be on tour with you for the first month, so it won't be so bad." I was trying to stay positive, but I was going to miss him like crazy.

"Don't worry, we're going to do something amazing for our anniversary before I go. I promise."

I set a plate down in front of him and kissed his forehead. "We don't have to do anything. If I'm with you, that's all that matters. We could stay at home in our sweats and I'd be content."

"Trust me, it's going to be a lot better than that. I have the most amazing gift for you."

I rolled my eyes at him. "You didn't have to get me anything. It's only six months, it's not that big of deal."

"It is a big deal. You told me that Charlie never did anything special for you on any anniversaries. You guys were together for almost two years and you said he bought you one necklace. I refuse to be like that. I will always show you how special you are."

I laid my hand on top of his. "You don't have to worry about comparing yourself to Charlie. You're a better person than he is, and you've been treating me like a queen since we met. You proved to me when you wrote You're Not Alone that I'm special. I don't need a gift for that."

We ate dinner and went out for a movie date. Ever since the concert, we were followed by paparazzi everywhere we went. Kendall tried to protect me from it and keep me shielded from the media. We often went out with Carlos and Sadie. It was nice having my best friend with me every where I went. She kept me away from the hate, and I did the same for her.

I spent as much time as I could with Kendall. Whether it was on set, in the studio, or just us, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. He was so patient and understanding with me, and was willing to listen to whatever I had to say. I loved having him around. It was approaching the week of our anniversary, and he still wouldn't tell me what he had planned.

Sadie was trying to squeeze it out of Carlos, but he wouldn't spill. All he would tell her was that I'd absolutely love it. We decided to spend a girls day, just us, together. We had lunch, went to the beach, and got manicures. It was one of our first days off, and we were out on the beach soaking up the sun.

"I still can't believe how lucky we are, Soph." Sadie turned to me, taking in our surroundings.

"I know. Who'd have ever thought we'd be living in California, dating half of Big Time Rush?"

She laughed. "I used to dream of moments like this. I never actually imagined that something like this could happen."

I agreed. "Kendall has been my dream guy for a long time. I was just waiting for him to find me." I stretched my head up towards the sun. "I can't believe I was ever with Charlie. You were right about him from the start, Sadie. I should have listened."

"I tried to tell you." She laughed again. "Just think, if I hadn't listened to you, I wouldn't be with Carlos. Now we've been together for over a month and I've never been so happy."

Life was good, we were both in agreement on that. I was hearing from Charlie less and less since I had moved out to L.A. My mom had seen him a couple times, and he had finally stopped saying hello to her. She loved Kendall, and she was going to let everyone know it. I missed my family like crazy and couldn't wait to see them. They were going to fly out and see the band when they went on tour. I was excited for them to see Kendall on stage where he belonged. I loved seeing him up there.

Sadie and I were enjoying the rest of our day when Carlos called. She got a worried look on her face. "No, sweetie, we haven't heard from Kendall. Okay… I will." She turned to look at me. "Carlos said they were supposed to be in rehearsal ten minutes ago and that Kendall's late. Have you heard from him?"

I shook my head. "No I haven't. I'm sure he's just running late." It was unusual for Kendall to be late and not call, but I wasn't too worried. I tried to call him but he didn't answer. I sent him a text, telling him to call me when he got a chance.

About an hour passed and we hadn't heard from the guys at all. We figured Kendall had shown up because now none of the guys were answering. Sadie was in the middle of making dinner when my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, and for a minute, I was worried it was Charlie. I realized it was a California number so I hoped it was Kendall calling to tell me his phone died.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Sophia Richards?"

"Yes, this is she." My voice was shaking. I didn't recognize the voice on the other end.

"My name is Angelica Walters and I work at St. Vincent's Hospital. I have you listed as an emergency contact for Kendall Schmidt, is this correct?"

"That's correct."

"I'm sorry Ma'am, but there's been an accident."

I dropped my phone. The room started to spin, and everything went black.


	16. Chapter 16

I don't remember how I got to the hospital. Sadie drove, but I don't remember getting in the car. I don't remember the drive or calling the guys to tell them that it had happened. I don't remember Kathy calling, and I don't remember talking to her. Yet here we all were, sitting in the waiting room. Kendall was in the ICU so we hadn't been able to see him yet. We were told it was a hit and run, that they had no suspects. He had been t-boned on the driver's side and the car just drove away.

I wiped another tear from my eye. All I wanted was for someone to tell us that he was okay. He was in surgery right now and they had only given us a few updates. Every time I saw a doctor walk by, I wanted to yell at them and ask why they weren't telling us anything. The waiting was the worst part. Kathy sat next to me and handed me a cup of coffee. We had been waiting for nearly an hour with no end in sight.

"He's going to be okay, sweetie. You have to believe that." Kathy wiped a tear from her cheek, trying to be strong for everyone.

I shook my head. "I don't know if I can, Kathy. He's been my rock for almost six months. If anything happens to him, if he's not okay…" My voice trailed off. I couldn't finish the sentence. I didn't want to think about what would happen if he didn't wake up.

"You can't think like that. My boy is a fighter. He'll get through this."

"How can you be so strong at a moment like this?"

"I'm a mom, it's my job. Don't get me wrong, I'm an absolute mess. But until I have something to worry about, I won't worry."

I took a sip of my coffee and looked up. Two more doctors had walked out and still nothing. I was about to say something when one more walked out.

"Mrs. Schmidt?" We all jumped up. The doctor looked around at the group. "My name is Dr. Gerels. Kendall is out of surgery. He's still unconscious, but he's stable." I breathed a sigh of relief. Stable. That meant he'd wake up soon. "A few of his ribs cracked on impact which caused his right lung to collapse. His left wrist has a mild sprain and should heal soon. Other than that, he has some cuts from the glass and is a little bruised up. He should be fine, but we are going to monitor him for the next few days. At this time, it's still unclear as to when he will wake up."

I could tell everyone was relieved. It sounded like Kendall was going to be okay. "Dr. Gerels, when can we see him?" I needed to see him. I had to know he was really okay.

"With the state that he's in right now, only family is allowed to see him." He looked at me, and I think the realization hit him. "I'm sorry, miss, but until he wakes up or is more stable, family only.."

Tears started streaming down my face again. I was just told my boyfriend was fine, and now I was being told I couldn't see him until he woke up. The doctor had turned to leave when Kathy spoke up. "Now you listen here. This girl is my daughter. I don't care if she's not my biological daughter, but she's family. And I can promise you that when that boy wakes up, she's going to be the first person he asks for." She was staring straight into his eyes. "Do you want to be the one to tell him that he can't see girlfriend? Because I'm sure not going to be."

Dr. Gerels could tell Kathy was serious and wasn't going to budge. His eyes went soft. "Okay, but just her, the rest will have to wait." We all nodded. I said goodbye to Sadie, Carlos, James, and Logan, and promised to call them the minute he woke up. Before they left, I pulled Sadie aside.

"Could you do me a huge favor?"

She nodded. "Anything."

"I need you to pack me some clothes and bring to me. I'm going to be staying here; I'm not leaving his side. I'd also need the black blanket off my bed and the pillow from the left side." She nodded, making a list of everything I needed. "There's a bag in the back of my closet. It should have at least one outfit of Kendall's and if not there's one in my bottom dresser drawer. Just one outfit and then his sweatshirt that's on top of my dresser."

"Got it. Do you want me to bring you back anything to eat?"

"Not right away. I'm still too worried to eat, but I can just grab something here."

Sadie pulled me in for a hug. "I'll grab everything and be back in a little while."

"You should get some rest, I can wait."

"Sophie, I know you like to be stubborn, but it will take me no time at all. If you or anyone needs anything else, just call." I thanked her, hugged Carlos, waved goodbye. I looked at my phone. It was only nine o'clock, but it felt like midnight. I had spent most of the day at the beach with Sadie and being in the sun usually wore me out. We had gone home and made dinner when my phone rang. It had only been seven at the time. It felt like a lifetime ago.

Kathy and Kent were the first to go in to see Kendall. They had offered to let me go, but I wasn't ready. I didn't know how I was supposed to react when I saw him and I wasn't prepared. Kevin offered to hang back with me, and we headed down to the cafeteria for more coffee.

"I don't think I've ever seen people drink so much coffee." He was trying to lighten the mood and I appreciated the distraction.

I nodded. "Maybe it's a hospital thing. When my grandpa had surgery on his knee, I think my parents almost drank the place dry. I always joked with them and said there must be coffee hormones in the air. Hospitals have this weird coffee atmosphere."

He laughed. "I see what you mean. It explains why there's always a fresh pot." We sat down at a table. "How are you holding up?"

"Not well. I'm trying, but it's so hard. Your mom seems so put together. I wish I was strong like that."

"Trust me, this is killing her. Family is the most important thing to my mom. I think it's hard for her and I think she's scared we could lose him."

"I am too. What if he doesn't wake up, Kevin? I don't think I'm strong enough to handle that."

"You can't think like that, you have to think that he's going to be okay."

I brushed a tear off my cheek. I hated crying in front of other people, but right now I didn't care. "It was sweet how your mom stood up for me. The only other person I had in my life like that was Aunt Tess. Hearing her call me her daughter made me realize how much I love all of you."

Kevin smiled. "That's good, because we're pretty fond of you too. I know for a fact my brother is. I've never seen him this happy, Soph. I'm glad he found you."

Despite our current situation, I smiled. "I'm glad I found him. I don't know where I'd be right now if he hadn't saved me. It's amazing how much he's changed my life, but it's definitely been for the better. I didn't even want to go to the lake house, but my mom made me. I never would have met him if she hadn't forced me to go."

"You know, he called me that first night. He told me he had met this girl that was crazy beautiful and he could already feel himself falling for you. He told me that you weren't like any other girl that he had met, and he was drawn to you." Kevin smiled, almost as if remembering the conversation.

I couldn't help but blush. "I think I was feeling the same way. All I really needed was a friend, but he ended up being more than that."

We sat at the table for a few more minutes talking when Kathy and Kent walked down. "You two can head up now." Kent hugged his son before we headed back up.

My stomach churned. "I don't think I'm ready for this."

"Yes you are. You'll be fine."

"Kev, would you mind if we went in separately? I'd just like to be alone with him."

He nodded. "Sure, I'll go in first." We stood outside his door. "But before I do, I want to give you something. They gave us Kendall's 'personal effects' when we got here. I think he was going to give you an early anniversary present because it was on him. I'm not going to show you, but I will tell you, it's not what your mind will immediately go to." He opened my hand and gently placed the gift in my palm.

I was still staring at him, puzzled, when he walked through the door. I looked down at my hand and gasped at what I saw. Kevin told me it was an anniversary present, and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. In my hand, I was holding a small, black velvet box.


	17. Chapter 17

I stood there, staring at the box. Kevin had said it wasn't what I thought it was. So, I was thinking an engagement ring, but that was crazy. Earrings. It must be a pair of earrings with my birthstone. I was debating on whether I wanted to open it or not when Kevin came out of the room.

"Kevin, what the hell is this?" I held the box up.

He shrugged. "I told you, it's an anniversary present."

"But what is it. You said it's not what I think, and my minds automatically thinking engagement ring."

"Do you really want me to tell you, or do you want to wait for Kendall?"

I thought for a minute. "We don't know when he's going to wake up. Please, just tell me."

"You were half right. It is a ring, but it's not an engagement ring. It's a promise ring."

Hearing that brought tears to my eyes. A promise ring? I couldn't believe I meant that much to him. "Listen, don't tell him I told you. Or if you do, don't tell him I showed you. He was really excited about getting it for you and said he couldn't wait to see the look on your face when you opened it." I nodded in agreement and clutched the ring box to my chest. "Another thing, Soph. The doctor said that he can probably hear us, so it's okay to talk to him but you have to try and stay positive. He said that sometimes the voice of a loved one is what causes people to wake up."

Kevin gave me a quick hug and headed back to the cafeteria to meet up with his parents. I took a deep breath, and opened the door. I hadn't seen Kendall since this morning when we had done breakfast. The first thing I noticed were the cuts and bruises on his face. Those would heal, but it hurt me to see them. His wrist was nicely wrapped to keep the swelling down from the sprain. I walked over to sit on his right side so that I could hold his hand. "Hey, you." He didn't budge. It was so hard to see him like this, but I had to stay positive. I intertwined our fingers, and I prayed that he'd at least squeeze my hand, but he didn't. I brushed his hair off to the side and tried to think of something to say.

"So your mom tells me that Kenneth is coming to town. If it were under different circumstances I'd be thrilled that I finally get to meet him." I tried to keep my voice from shaking, but it didn't do any good. "I'm not going to lie to you, Kendall. I have no idea what to say to you. Everyone keeps telling me that I need to be strong and just believe that you are going to be okay. But I'm not that strong, and we both know that." I had been fighting back tears, and I finally let them fall. "I can't do this without you. I don't want to have to think of my life without you for even one second."

I placed the ring box in his hand. "Then there's this. What am I supposed to think of this, Kendall? If you actually can hear me, don't be mad at Kevin. They gave him everything from the accident, and he said you had this in your pocket. He said you wanted to see the look on my face when I saw it for the first time. I haven't looked at it yet, and I'm not going to." I set it on the table next to his bed. "So as soon as you wake up, I'm going to open it, and you will see how much I love it, and how much I love you." I kissed his forehead and sat down in the recliner in his room. Visiting hours were over, so Sadie hadn't been able to bring me any of my stuff. I told her it was fine and I could just come home and pick it up tomorrow. The slow rhythm of Kendall's heart monitor lulled me to sleep.

I didn't sleep very well that night. Every time I closed my eyes, I watched the car accident happen. I would chase down whoever hit Kendall, and when I finally caught up to them, I was staring myself in the face. Every day I'd talk to him and beg him to wake up, or even move. But nothing changed. Three days had passed since the accident, and there were no signs that Kendall was going to wake up. I never left the hospital. I wanted to be here in case he woke up. I didn't care how gross I looked, all I needed was him. I wanted to be the first person to see him.

I was able to meet Kendall's oldest brother while he was still in the hospital. Kenneth had flown in from Chicago when Kendall had gotten in the accident. We talked about the trip to Bali, and whether or not Kendall would be able to go.

"He needs a break from everything, Kenneth. I still want him to go." We were sitting in the cafeteria, and I was trying to eat something. Without knowing if Kendall was okay, it was hard for me to eat.

"If you really think that's a good idea."

"I do. On one condition. You have to take care of him while he's gone. I don't want anything else to happen to him."

Kenneth gave me a reassuring hug. "I promise I will. But I have a crazy suggestion. Why don't you just come with?"

It didn't take long for me to respond. "I don't want to impose. This is a trip for you and your brother and your friends. You don't have to invite me because of Kendall's accident."

He shook his head. "I'm not. Kendall told me that your entire relationship has been long distance, and he felt awful about leaving. We actually discussed it a few nights before the accident. He was going to ask you to go. He told me about the ring, and I agreed. He wants you to go, Sophie. So do I."

I spent all of my time with Kendall's family. I felt like we were the only thing keeping each other sane. It was hard for me when they all left. Kenneth had flown back to Chicago, and Kevin was off working on some big project. Kent had to go back to work, so most days it was just me and Kathy at the hospital. She would head home every night when visiting hours ended and arrive every morning when they began.

"Honey, you really should go home and get some rest."

I shook my head. "I'm not leaving him."

She placed her arm around my shoulder. "You know if anything were to change, we'd call."

"It doesn't matter. I have to stay by his side. I don't want him to wake up when I'm not here. He needs to know I'm here."

Kathy kissed my forehead. "Oh, Sophie, he knows you're here, I can promise you that. And he'd be telling you the same thing I'm telling you right now. You need to rest."

"I'm fine here." I knew she wasn't going to budge, but I wasn't either. "I'm not leaving his side… I can't. I love him too much to leave." I was crying nearly every day, and today was no different. "I'm scared that if I leave, so will he."

Truth be told, I was growing more worried every day that he wasn't going to wake up. It was hard to stay positive when there were no signs of improvement. By the end of the fourth day, I was ready to lose it. It was times like these that was hardest. All of his friends and family had gone home for the day, so it was just us.

"I need you to wake up, Kendall." I was talking to him, again. I wasn't sure if he could hear me or not, but it made me feel better to think that he could. "I need you, and I miss you, so much. I miss your voice; I miss the way you sing to me every night. I miss hearing your ridiculous laugh and watching you scrunch your nose when you smile. I miss looking into those beautiful green eyes that love me and look at me the way no one else ever has. I miss hearing you tell me that you love me." I laid my head down on his chest. "I miss having you." I tried to fight it, but I couldn't stop myself from falling asleep.

That night was the first that I was actually able to sleep. I didn't have nightmares. Instead, I had a pleasant dream about being with Kendall. He was alive, and we were on the beach. We spent the entire day together, just us. We had a picnic and went swimming, then he sang to me. Only, it didn't sound like it was a dream. It sounded just like it does before I fall asleep every night.

For a moment, I forgot where I was. I didn't care where I was laying or what was going on around me, all that mattered was Kendall's voice as he sang to me. It wasn't as strong as usual but I wasn't going to let that stop me from enjoying it.

_But the truth is_  
_That she has no idea, no idea_  
_That I'm even here, that I'm even here_  
_She has no idea, no idea_  
_I'm standing here, I'm standing here_

Realization hit me and I shot up. I looked straight at him, making sure that I wasn't dreaming. "Oh my gosh."

He smiled weakly at me as he finished singing. "Hey there, pretty girl."


	18. Chapter 18

I sat on the bed for a minute, too surprised to do anything else. A wave of emotions hit me, and I was on Kendall's chest again. "Thank God you're okay!" I was sobbing again, and didn't care. Kendall was awake, he was going to be fine.

He ran his hands through my hair. "Shh, it's okay. Everything's going to be okay." Here he was, lying in the hospital, and he was consoling me.

I sat up and wiped a tear from my eye. "I didn't think you were ever going to wake up."

"I had to. Somebody missed me."

"You could really hear me?"

"On and off. You weren't the only one telling me that, though. Mom and Dad told me, Kev and Kenneth told me, even Sadie and the guys. I figured it'd be a good time to come back."

I placed a light kiss on his forehead. "I should go get the doctor."

Kendall grabbed my arm. "No, stay with me. Just for a minute." He was staring at me with those green eyes I had been dying to see all week, so I obeyed.

"Kendall, do you remember what happened at all?"

I could see him searching for the answer in his eyes. "Not really. I was on my way to rehearsal when I realized I needed to see you. I was headed back to your apartment, and this car came out of no where. I faded in and out of consciousness on the way here. Next thing I know, I'm waking up to the most beautiful girl in the world."

Damn him. I was smiling again. "Why did you need to see me? Couldn't it have waited until after rehearsal?"

He shook his head. "No, it couldn't. I had to tell you something, face to face. I had a gift for you, but it's probably long gone by now."

I took the ring box off the bedside table. "Did it have something to do with this?"

"Where did you get that?'

"Kevin had it. When he got here, they gave him all of your clothes and everything that was in the car. It fell out of your pocket." He seemed upset so I continued. "Look, we both knew you wanted to give it to me. He just thought I deserved to know. It was the only thing that kept my hope alive. Plus, I didn't look at it. I know you wanted to see my reaction, so I waited."

Kendall looked relieved. "I wanted to show you how much you mean to me, and this was the only way I could think of." He grabbed my hand. "I don't know what you want this to mean to you, but for me, it means that one day, you're going to promise me that you are going to be with me forever. Promise that no matter how many times I fail, that you'll love me. Promise me that I'll get all your love, even when I don't deserve it."

I was nodding along like an idiot, and smiling like one too, I'm sure. He placed the ring box back in my hand, and opened it for me. It took my breath away. It was a single diamond on a silver band; the diamond wasn't huge, but it was beautiful. "It's so perfect. I love it." He gestured for me to put it on, and I shook my head. "If I'm going to wear this, we're going to do it right." I held out my hand to him. "I'll wear it, only if you place it on my finger."

He mustered a smile, pulled the ring out of its place, and slipped it on. It fit perfectly. "I love you so much, Sophie. I'm so thankful that you're mine."

I bent down and kissed him. "While I've enjoyed this alone time, I really should go get the doctor." He nodded and I kissed him again. I ran out and grabbed Dr. Gerels, just in time for Kathy to walk through the door. I turned to her, tears in my eyes. "He's awake!"

She nearly dropped what she was carrying. "Thank heavens! I was getting so worried." She glanced down at my hand. "I see he gave you the ring."

I glanced down at my hand. I still couldn't believe how lucky I was. I text Sadie and the guys to let them know he was awake, and they all promised to drop by later. The doctor finished up, and it was Kathy's turn to see her son. Everyone was in and out of the hospital all day visiting, and in that moment, I had never been so thankful. I had an amazing boyfriend, amazing friends, and was being told that Kendall would be released in two days. Life was good, nothing could bring me down.

The two days came and went, and before I knew it, I was at home with Kendall. We decided it wouldn't be a good idea for him to say alone while he was recuperating, so he stayed with me and Sadie. I was thankful that our apartment was on the larger side, since Carlos, Logan, and James were over just about every day. Kevin was coming over quite a bit too, and I was glad I got to spend more time with Kendall's family.

I was surprised when my family came to visit. They didn't want me to miss out on anything back home when Christmas came around, so they came out to celebrate early. It was everyone's first time in Cali, and while I wanted to take them out, I also needed to take care of Kendall. He reassured me every time I left that he was fine and that he'd call if he needed anything, but he never did.

Kevin had brought over what the hospital gave him after the accident, and I was still leery about it. I didn't want any remembrance of that horrid day. It had only been two weeks, and I still wasn't ready to deal with it yet. When Kendall finally forced me to, the first thing we did was head over to look at the car.

It was a wreck. Kendall was hoping there'd be a way to save it, but there wasn't. The entire drivers side door was crushed, and the impact had caused the car to flip. I was standing there with tears in my eyes, and Kendall placed his arm around my shoulder. "It's okay, babe. We can get a new car."

I shook my head. "It's not just that, Kendall. It's a miracle you're alive. Look at this thing!" The body shop owner came over and told us to get whatever we needed out of the car before we had to junk it. When we walked over and I saw the inside for the first time, I almost threw up. I could see blood from where Kendall had gotten hurt, and that was the last thing I wanted to think about. He put me on backseat duty so I wouldn't have to see it. I was gathering stuff out of the back when I heard Kendall take a sharp breath.

Worried that it was his lung, I ran over to him. "Are you alright?"

He nodded. "I'm fine." He was hiding something.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

He bowed his head for a moment before answering. When he spoke, I could barely hear him. "I don't think this was a random hit and run. I don't think this was an accident at all." He handed me a yellow slip of paper.

I was thoroughly confused until I unfolded the note. Scribbled across the paper, in handwriting I couldn't place, was the worst thing I could ever imagine.

_Hope I don't ruin your time together. C_

I was seething. At first, I couldn't place what Kendall was thinking. Then, as if reading my mind, my phone rang.

_Hey, sweet thing. Heard you can't come home for the holidays. Maybe I should come out and give you some time away from that pretty boy. Sound like a date? C_

My legs buckled underneath me.


	19. Chapter 19

I was beyond pissed. How could Charlie do this to me? How could he do this at all? One thing I knew for sure, he was definitely following me. He always signed everything with C, saying that I was the only Charlie he knew, so he didn't need to spell it out. He was the only person I knew that signed every thing like that. I went over all of my old text messages and emails, some that I hadn't deleted from when we were together. They were all signed the same.

Kendall was trying his hardest to protect me and to stay strong, but the truth is, I could tell he was scared. Charlie could still be out here and we had no idea where. We were still planning our Christmas trip to Bali, when he decided we shouldn't go.

"Think about it, Sophie. If he's here, he could be anywhere. I don't want to put you in harms way."

I shook my head. "Kendall, you aren't the one that puts me in harms way. We can't not live our lives because of him."

"I'm not saying we don't go on a Christmas vacation, I'm saying that we don't tell everyone where we're going."

I was puzzled, until he pulled out an itinerary for our vacation. "We're going on a Caribbean cruise?"

He nodded. "Merry Christmas, baby." He leaned in for a kiss.

I couldn't believe how beautiful our trip was. We still told everyone we went to Bali, and secretly enjoyed a romantic getaway. We were able to forget all of our troubles back home, which was exactly what we both needed. It was absolutely perfect. Two weeks was not long enough, and before we knew it, we were back home.

Sadie was spending a lot more time with Carlos, so from time to time, we had the apartment all to ourselves. The new year had come and gone, and the boys were preparing for tour again.

"I don't want you to go." We were laying on the couch, I was wrapped in his arms.

"I don't want to go either, but I have to. Besides, I thought you were coming with?"

"I am, but I can't come for the whole thing. I have to go home to Iowa so I won't be able to see you for the first month."

"Is your grandma still not doing well?"

"She's better, but I want to go home before it's too late." I looked up at him. "I feel like I've been able to be selfish with you ever since I moved out here. It sucks that I won't be able to see you or talk to you like I have been."

Kendall wrapped his arms around me tighter. "I know. I'm going to hate the fact that Charlie can come up any moment and steal you away."

I smacked him. "You know that's not true. No one can steal me away. I'm yours, forever."

"Promise?"

"I promise." I kissed him and leaned into his chest. I meant every word. Truth be told, if Kendall asked me to marry him, I'd say yes. I wasn't sure how he felt, but I knew what I wanted. I looked down at my promise ring, thinking I was sure I knew what he wanted too.

That first month apart was hell. It made me wonder how we ever stayed together in the first place. Waiting to hear from him all day was the worst. It was especially hard this time around because Sadie was going through it too, and when one called and the other didn't, we got a little jealous. We were both spending some much needed time back home with our families.

We were sitting in my old room and I could tell there was something on her mind. "What's going on, Sadie?"

She bit her lip. She always did that when she was nervous. "I promised Carlos I wouldn't tell until I gave him an answer."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't be mad, okay?" She waited for me to agree before she continued. "He asked me to move in with him."

I was shocked, and so unbelievably happy for her. "Sadie, that's amazing! Carlos is such a great guy. What did you say?"

She shrugged. "I told him I didn't know. I mean, we've only been together for a few months. It seems really sudden to me. He said that we're together all the time anyway, and that he hates when I'm not there. He brought up how often I've been spending the night, and that I might as well move in."

"Sadie, I don't really see a problem here."

Sadie looked at me like I was an idiot. "Soph, we moved out to L.A. to be together and to do the whole independent thing. I can't just pack up and leave."

I was shaking my head. "It's not like you're going to be abandoning me. I'll still see you all the time."

Her voice got quiet. "It's not just that."

"What do you mean?"

When she finally looked up at me again, she had tears in her eyes. "I still worry about you, Sophie. I'm worried that something is going to happen and you're going to fall off the edge. I almost lost you once, and I didn't see it. I can't let that happen again."

Now it was my turn to have tears in my eyes. We had never really talked about me trying to take my life, I couldn't believe she blamed herself for it. "Sadie James I want you to listen to me. What happened is not your fault. You were there for me more than anyone else has been. If I feel myself slip again, I promise you, I'll tell you." I smiled thinking about my blond haired, green eyed dork. "Besides, Kendall was a big part of me moving past that. As long as I have him, nothing can hurt me."

We spent the rest of our time in Iowa reminiscing about our time here, spent some time with our families, and were making plans to find me a new apartment once we headed back out to L.A. It was finally time for us to meet up with our boys, and the flight felt like it was never ending. We were going to meet up with them and spend the rest of the time on tour and on the bus. It worked out perfect since they had two buses. Carlos, James, and Sadie would be on one; Logan, Kendall, and I on the other.

Our first night on the road, I couldn't sleep. I kept having this terrible nightmare that felt all too real.

_I'd wake up in a bed I didn't recognize. I'd look around the room, still unable to place where I was. I was wearing a wedding band and would feel eleated. Walking out into the kitchen, I'd see my amazing husband standing before me. When he turned around, my stomach lurched. "Charlie?"_

_"Hey, sweet pea. You've been out for hours. Come sit, eat."_

_I'd shake my head vigorously. "No, this isn't real, this isn't happening. Where's Kendall?"_

_"Who?"_

_"Kendall!" I was screaming. "Where is he, what did you to do him?"_

_"Are you talking about that boy from that band again?" He tried to kiss me and I pushed him away. "You really need to stop obsessing over them. You had some fantasy dream when you were in the hospital. I never left your side."_

_"The hosptial, for what?"_

_"For your accident, sweetheart. Don't you remember? You lost your way, and I helped you find it back." He was talking about me trying to kill myself. I felt sick._

_"What did you to do Kendall, where is he?"_

_Charlie shook his head, disappointment in his face. "I'm not going to go through this everyday. It has to stop."_

_He laid a magazine down in front of me. The headline read "__**Nickelodeon star dead at 21**__." There was a picture of his car, a picture from the hit and run. "You did this! You're the one that caused it. How could you, you killed him!"_

_I turned to him, and he had a wicked smile on his face. "You haven't seen what I've got prepared for you."_

I woke up screaming every time. Kendall and I had decided to sleep in separate bunks since they were so small, but it was hard not being in the comfort of his arms. I made myself a cup of tea and headed to the back lounge. I was only up for about fifteen minutes before I saw Kendall make his way back.

"I'm so sorry, did I wake you guys?"

He slightly nodded. "Logan sleeps like a log, but hearing my girl scream definitely jarred me up. Everything okay?"

I shook my head and told him about my dream. "It felt so real. When he would try and comfort me, it was like I could feel his hands on me. It made me want to crawl out of my skin." I had been thinking for a long time, and hated that I was now bringing this up to Kendall. "This may not be the best time to bring this up, but I don't think we should do this anymore."

"Do what?" I could hear the pain in his voice.

"Don't act like you don't know, Kendall. Us, this, any of it. As long as I'm around, you're not safe. I can't risk losing you forever just because I'm in your life. Maybe we need to spend some time apart…" My voice trailed off. I felt like I had just broken my own heart.

"Absolutely not. If you think you're protecting me, you're wrong. If we end it, he wins, Soph. And I'm not going to let that happen. I actually was going to wait to tell you this, but I pressed charges against him."

"You did?" That made me feel a little better.

Kendall nodded. "He's looking at facing six years in prison for the hit and run, and another year for stalking. We're taking him to court as soon as we get back and get you all moved in."

"What do you mean moved in?"

"Carlos tells me Sadie is moving in with him. So I figure rent in that two bedroom is more than you can handle, plus you need someone to protect you." He had a huge smile on his face. "Move in with me, Sophie. It's been long enough now and I think we're ready for something like this."

I couldn't believe it. To be honest, I was a little jealous that Carlos had already asked Sadie to move in, and Kendall hadn't asked me. But now, it seemed like the perfect idea, and he had asked me in the perfect moment. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

"I'm positive."

I kissed him. "Then it looks like I have some packing to do when we get home."


	20. Chapter 20

I couldn't wait to get home and start packing. Living with Kendall was going to be exciting, and I was ready for whatever got thrown our way. We celebrated my birthday on the road, which was a different experience. The boys pulled me on stage and had the entire arena sing to me. You never forget what it sounds like to have thousands of people sing to you. I had the greatest boyfriend.

Toward the end of tour, I was ready to be home. Not just so I could pack, but because I was starting to feel a little depressed. Two weeks after my birthday would have been Aunt Tess' birthday, and it just serves as a constant reminder that she's not here. The boys were at sound check, and I was sitting on the back of the bus, thankful I was alone.

My mom always told me that sometimes girls just need a good cry, and I was definitely having one of those days. Sadie had dropped by to see if I was going to sound check, and when I told her no, she understood. She knew what tomorrow was and knew I wanted to be left alone. While I knew the peace and quiet wouldn't last long, I was going to relish in it. I had been holding everything in for the last week, and now being alone, I just let it all go. It was hard, not having Aunt Tess here. It was hard not having anyone that understood.

I was sitting on the back couch writing in my journal when I heard the door open. My journal had always been my secret escape. I usually told it things I was too scared to say out loud. It held all my secrets. Kendall was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

"I missed you at sound check."

I fiddled with my pen. "I'm sorry. I just didn't feel like going."

He sat down next to me. "Any reason why?"

I shrugged. "Not really. Just not in the mood I suppose."

"Sophie?" He moved my bangs out of my eyes. "You know that we've been together for nine months now. I can tell when you're lying, and I can tell that you've been crying. What's going on sweetheart?"

It was hard for me to talk about. Usually, I would break down into tears whenever I told anyone. It had been three years, and it felt like just yesterday I had lost her. "I don't want to talk about it. It's no big deal."

"It's clearly a big deal if it has you crying. Please, just talk to me."

"No, Kendall. I don't want to." Tears were starting to flow again. "I love you so much for caring, but I absolutely, one hundred percent, do not want to talk about it." Before he could say anything else, I got up and ran to my bunk. He was right next to me, sitting on the ground and comforting me.

"Hey…hey it's okay. If you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to." He was running his hand along my back, trying to comfort me. "I've only got a few minutes left before I have to head back. Are you going to come out there?"

I rolled over and looked at him, tears in my eyes. "I don't know, Kendall. I don't really feel like it. I'm not in the mood for a concert."

Kendall looked hurt. "It's not as much fun if you're not there. I love looking out into the crowd and seeing you. Do you remember what you told me when we first met, about music failing you?" I nodded slightly before he continued. "Don't let it fail you again. Come out there with me. Take your mind off whatever's bothering you. Let the music heal you like nothing else can." He smiled.

As bad as I felt, I really didn't want to go. "I'm sorry, sweetie. My heart's just not in it tonight. I know it's the last show for this tour, but it won't be the last show ever. I just want to be alone."

He walked over to my purse and grabbed my backstage pass. He laid it down next to me and kissed me on the cheek. "For when you change your mind." With that, he walked off the bus. Part of me had wanted him to stay and fight, and part of me was glad he was gone. I laid in my bunk for about an hour before I decided to head out. I didn't want to miss the last show, and I really loved seeing Kendall perform.

The concert had already started when I took my place next to Sadie. "Do you feel better?"

"Sort of. I have an amazing boyfriend that reminded me music does wonders for the soul." She laughed and we started to dance. Kendall had been right, I did need to get my mind off of things. He saw me right before they started Music Sounds Better With U, and he never took his eyes off me. I sang every word to him, meaning every single word. As cheesy as it was, everything was truly better with Kendall.

The last show was amazing. Watching my boys perform never got old. I loved seeing how happy it made them and how much the fans love seeing them. Logan, Kendall, and I said goodnight to Sadie, James, and Carlos, and headed back to our own bus. We set out for California, and I was more than ready to be home. Logan was ready to keep the party going but I was exhausted. The guys stayed up for a while having a nerf gun fight, playing video games, and finally, just watching movies. Logan headed to bed before we did, and Kendall made us some tea.

I took a small sip. "I'm sorry about earlier."

He kissed my forehead. "You don't need to be."

I nodded. "Yes, I do. Kendall… tomorrow would have been Aunt Tess' birthday. Sometimes I pretend to be okay, sometimes I really am okay. But usually, I have to put on this fake smile and pretend like I'm fine when I'm not."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"It's embarrassing. It's been three years and I'm still grieving like it was yesterday."

"I'm so sorry, Sophie. I can't imagine losing someone that close to me. Do you feel like talking about it at all?"

I looked into his eyes, and saw nothing but genuine love. "Yeah, I guess I do. You already know that she had cancer, but now you get the long version. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer five years ago. She fought it with everything she had, and after the radiation was done, the tumor was gone. It was such a liberating feeling. It was almost as if this weight had been lifted. The tumor came back, and there was nothing they could do. They told Aunt Tess that if she fought the tumor and continued treatment, it would only extend her life, it wouldn't save it. She decided to continue treatment." I was fine telling him this part of the story, I usually was. But now was when I fell apart. "In the end, it wasn't the cancer that killed her. It was the radiation. It destroyed her kidneys and she wasn't able to function. My family went to see her before she passed. She had lost so much weight, I barely recognized her. She and mom talked for a long time and all I remember is I never wanted to leave. I knew, I knew in my heart that would be the last time I saw her."

I buried my face in my hands. "She hugged me before I left. I never wanted to let her go. I wanted to stay in that moment forever." I looked at Kendall. His face looked as heartbroken as I felt. "The last thing she ever said to me was 'I love you. Stay strong.' Her sister called us a week later to tell us that she had passed. Ever since then, I've felt like there was a hole in my heart that nothing could fill. It's hard, sometimes, Kendall, to pretend like I'm okay when I'm not. Having you, hell, just meeting you helped. More than you could ever know." I cuddled into him.

It was nice having someone to talk to. Kendall was there for me like no one else ever had been. He was patient with me, which is all I had ever asked. We spend the rest of the ride talking about Aunt Tess and the kinds of things our moms used to do before Kathy moved out to California.

"You know, I wish I had met you when we still lived in Kansas."

I crooked an eyebrow at him. "Why's that?"

"Because then I wouldn't have had wait so long to find you. I would have loved growing up with you and Sadie."

"Really?"

"Hell yeah. You guys sound like you were a lot of fun. Plus, if we had been friends, I would have known you for longer and been there when you lost Tess. I also would have been there to beat the shit out of Charlie, or just stopping you from being with him."

For the first time tonight, I laughed. "Have I ever told you that you have an amazing smile?" I started to blush and nodded. "Well I'm going to tell you again. You have the most amazing smile, I love it. And I love you."

"I love you too. And you're the only reason I smile, you big dork."

He laughed. "I'm okay with that."

We headed back to our bunks and continued to talk. I felt myself falling asleep, but didn't want him to leave. The bunks were a little small so it was hard for us to sleep together. I started tugging on his shirt. "Stay with me tonight?"

Kendall nodded. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here when you go to sleep, and I'll be here when you wake up. I promise."

I cuddled into him and he whispered in my ear. "Just think, by the time you wake up, it will be time to pack and move in with me." He started to sing, lulling me to sleep. He never ceased to amaze me.


	21. Chapter 21

I was excited to get back to L.A. As much as I was going to miss living with Sadie, I could NOT wait to live with Kendall. I loved being around him and with him, and I absolutely hated when we weren't together. We had another awkward sex talk and decided that we wouldn't push it and just wait for the right moment. He was so sweet and understanding, I couldn't believe how lucky I was.

I was standing by my bed, packing, when he spoke up. "Sometimes I feel like I take you for granted."

"What do you mean?"

"I just… sometimes I feel like you don't know how special you are. Like, if you don't know, you'll slip and I'll lose you forever."

I brushed the hair out of his face. "Do you really think that?" He nodded, slightly embarrassed. "Kendall, you wrote me a song for crying out loud. Of course I know I'm special. If I didn't, you remind me every single day. You don't treat me any worse or any better than I deserve."

He pulled me down on his lap. "I just wish I could put into words how much you truly mean to me. I wish I could tell you how much I appreciate you and all the little things that you do for me. When I go to form the words, they just get jumbled."

"Sweetheart, you don't have to tell me. I know what I mean to you. I know, because you mean the same to me." I leaned in so our foreheads were touching. "If I were to ever fall, I know you'd be there to catch me. I promise you, with everything I have, if I feel myself slipping I will tell you."

He finished helping me pack up my room and took it back to his place. Sadie and I had decided to spend the day together, sort of like a last hoorah.

She swiped a tear. "We are being ridiculous. We're going to see each other every day at work, and the boys live within miles of each other."

I nodded and chuckled. "I know. I feel like an idiot. Here we are, on the beach, on a beautiful day, and we're crying."

We stayed on the beach for a few hours talking about how different it was going to be living with boys. It was almost May, and I couldn't believe that Kendall and I had been together for almost a year already. I was daydreaming when Sadie pulled me out of my daze.

"Whatever ended up happening with Charlie?"

"After we got back from tour last month, Kendall filed charges. While we couldn't prove it was him, the lawyer said we had enough evidence with my emails and the note. They were going to do a handwriting test in court for a match. At first, we didn't think I was going to have to testify, but the lawyer said it was a hard case to sell. If we wanted to win, I had to testify." I played with the sand we were sitting on. "So I did. It was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Once I realized he couldn't hurt me, nothing else mattered. I told them how he beat me and had been stalking me. The jury was sympathetic and found him guilty. He's serving an eight year sentence on $250,000 bail." I smiled. "He's not going anywhere anytime soon."

"That's so awesome, Soph. What did Kendall think of all of this?"

"He didn't want me to testify. He knew I was still having nightmares and knew this would just dig up bad blood. But we both knew that if we wanted to be done, I had to. We was there for me the entire time, supporting me. You know, he told me today that he feels like he takes me for granted?"

"As weird as it sounds, I did know that. He told Carlos, and Carlos told me." She looked over at me. "You don't think he takes you for granted, do you?"

I shook my head. "Absolutely not. If anything, I feel like I take him for granted. He's so much more than I knew I needed. How am I supposed to thank him for saving my life?"

She shrugged. "Maybe you just thank him by being here."

We headed back to our apartment, only to find it empty. We were a little depressed since we were supposed to spend one final night together. I walked into my bedroom, only to find a piece of red paper on the ground. I picked it up to see Kendall's familiar handwriting scrawled across it.

_Surprise! I know you were supposed to spend one more night with Sadie, but I have something a little more special planned. Follow the clues and it will lead you where you belong_

"Sadie?" I called to the living room. She was standing holding a similar piece of paper. I held mine up to her. "From Carlos?"

She nodded. "What do you think this is?"

I shrugged. "Knowing our boys, it's bound to be amazing." We left the apartment, surprised that our clues were taking us to different places.

I was amazed at the places Kendall sent me. I couldn't believe he remembered all of these. The first place in L.A we held hands, first place we kissed, the place we talked about having a family, and the house we had discussed buying when we started our family. There were so many places he sent me, some of them I couldn't even remember, but they stuck out to him.

The last clue led me to his, or rather our, house. I felt a little silly knocking, but at the same time, I didn't just want to barge in. I slowly opened the door. "Kendall?" No answer. I walked in and laid my bag on the end table and through the hallway to the kitchen.

The sight before me took my breath away. He was standing there wearing an apron with a guitar around his neck. The only light in the room was from the candles he had sitting on the table, and sitting in between the candles was a beautiful bouquet of orchids, my favorite flowers. The dinner table was set and there was some sort of pasta and bread, fresh out of the oven. I had tears in my eyes and before I could say anything, he started singing. He sang Backstreet Boys' Anywhere For You, which has always been one of my favorite songs. I had told Kendall a while ago that I had a thing for boy bands, and that's why I liked him so much.

I was fighting back tears when he set the guitar down and pulled out my chair. "Kendall, what is all of this?"

"It's just my way of showing you how much I appreciate you and how excited I am to live with you. I know it's probably not the best, but I did reorganize the bedroom. Carlos and I spent all afternoon sorting this all out and planning the surprise. I hope your not mad you don't get your final night with Sadie."

I kissed him. "This is perfect, sweetheart. Thank you so much. To be honest, I was a little worried about living here. I keep worrying that one of us is going to change their mind or that we will break up. I am scared Kendall, but I couldn't be mad at you, not for something as sweet as this."

"Why are you scared?"

"Because this is my first real relationship. We're moving pretty fast, and it's intimidating and exciting, but also very frightening."

He kissed my forehead. "Well don't worry your pretty little head. You live with me now, and I'll protect you from anything."

I smiled as he started to serve dinner. My phone chimed and I got a picture from Sadie. Carlos had bought her a promise ring, and that was a part of her big surprise.

_Seriously... Best. Boyfriend. EVER!_

I smiled as I looked up at Kendall.

_Agreed ;)_


End file.
